The Owner says that is it for today. I am frogmarched back to the house like a criminal. Later there is a kangaroo court in which I appear to be the kangaroo. Lined up on the kitchen counter are Squeaky Cat, Squeaky Log and The Blanket. They are all looking […]
The Prime Minister is the Prime Minister again, says the Owner. He was elected. I have heard this, I say. Jeremy the Beagle is in the Park singing the Red Flag by himself. How do you feel about this? Asks the Owner. It is a tragedy, I say. The Prime […]
Today I am told to wait in the Bedroom whilst the Owner and the Man put a Tree in the kitchen. This sounds most unwise to me. There is a place for Trees and it is not in the kitchen. Clearly supervision is needed. I say I want to Watch. […]
The Owner says I shouldn’t have eaten the Boots, even though they were pinching. I say I didn’t eat them, I chewed them, which is not the same as eating. If I ate everything I chewed I would by now have swallowed both the sofa and the postman, and that […]
This morning I run around the Park with Caspar, Houdini and a Stick. It is excellent, as following the rain there is Extra Mud. The Owner stands watching, as Caspar and I extract Houdini from several hedges and save a Small Human from ambush by a particularly unpleasant duck. She […]
Bercow says that people are voting today for another Prime Minister. Caspar says isn’t one enough? I say the Owner says that in recent times one has been too many, but they are voting for a new one to Replace Him. Who do you think they will they replace him […]
The Owner says that Licking is not allowed when she is working, owing to Wetness and Bugs. I say I was saying Hello. Now that Barking and Jumping on the Computer have also been similarly restricted, and the release of Gasses (quite unreasonably) banned, how is the Moral Dog to […]
There is a picture of a Dog on the bedroom wall. It has brown ears and a rather smug expression. It is pictured Standing with the Owner and the Man as if it is Owned. It is the Ugliest, Smuggest, most Unpleasant Dog I have ever seen. It does not […]
Jeremy the Beagle says John Henry Newman said Virtue is its Own Reward. He said Virtue brings with it the Truest and Highest Pleasure. Houdini says that this can be translated as meaning that the Moral Dog Does not Get the Cheese. I say this may be why the Owner has […]
It is exciting to see Caspar when he is in the coffee shop. I am filled with Joy. We rush to greet each other as Friends do. It is not my fault there are chairs everywhere. One has to bear in mind, at this point, that Two Moral Dogs have […]
The Owner says I can only come and lie on the bed to watch the programme about Martians if I promise not to I Wriggle and Grumble and do not allow my Gases to escape. I say I could certainly cut down on the Wriggling and the grumbling but I […]
It is very very sad. And very very moving. I tell the Owner we need to watch it again. I think I may have some more emotions to let out. The Owner asks if Howling is the only possible way to let out my Emotions. I say sometimes the Moral […]
It is extremely noisy in the Park this morning. Caspar and I watch as four huge helicopters pass over. The sound of their engines echoes back from the ground and completely interrupts our Superhero conference. The Owner says that the four helicopters have the President of the United States in […]
The Owner says it is very simple. It was not my football. I should have left it alone. I say well, whose football was it then? It belonged, she says to the Small Human who kicked it towards you. He kicked it at me, I said. When the ball comes […]
We have to deal with Greenhouse Gases in order to Save the Planet, I say. I am wearing my Superdog cape and am anxious to start on the Greenhouses. The Time for Action is Now. Caspar, aka my Morally Equal Companion, Fluffy, says that the secret of Victory is to […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 