It is extremely noisy in the Park this morning. Caspar and I watch as four huge helicopters pass over. The sound of their engines echoes back from the ground and completely interrupts our Superhero conference.
The Owner says that the four helicopters have the President of the United States in them. He has been to a Meeting of Leaders and now he is Leaving.
I am really sorry. Had I known I would have waved at him. He must be Very Disappointed.
The Owner says he will get over it.
I say I expect the Other Leaders all waved at him.
Possibly not all of them, she says.
Perhaps, I say, that was because they did not know which helicopter he was in.
She says she thinks the President of France may have been particularly Uncertain which helicopter to wave at.
I say four seems a lot of helicopters for one person. Does he plan to leap from one to the next when they run out of sandwiches?
The Owner says the other three are probably Spare Helicopters. Just in case there are Bad Men around.
I say that is rather Genderist. They could be Bad Persons of Any Gender.
Indeed They Could she says. Perhaps that is why he needs Three.
I do not think this explanation enough. I say I do not see the point of having Spare Helicopters. Even in the presence of Bad Persons of Any Gender. Greta Thunberg would not approve. She may write him a letter.
The Owner says Greta Thunberg will almost certainly write him several letters but this will make no difference because the Spare Helicopters are Decoys so that Bad Persons of Any Gender do not know where exactly he is. It is a matter of National Security.
This seems astonishing to me. I say it is fairly Obvious where he is. He is up there in the sky in one of those four helicopters. Unless the Bad Persons of Any Gender are exceptionally stupid they will Work This Out. Would it not be More Sensible if he just took the Bus and wore a Hat? Then nobody would know where he was.
The Owner says whilst this indeed sounds a far more sensible plan, she does not think the President of the United States would want to wear a Hat. Nobody would be able to see his Hair. He has very Individual Hair. Unique, she adds, if it were not for the Hair of the Prime Minister, which has some similar qualities.
I say I think, in the circumstances, that would rather be the point of the Hat. Particularly if the Prime Minister was also there. It would be just like Spartacus. Assuming, that is, he too had worn a hat.
The Owner sighs. She says the President probably does not want to Skulk Off on a Bus in a Hat. This would not reflect his status as the Leader of the Free World. Or, she adds, his feelings about his Hair.
Of course, I say, if he had used the Bus then he would have needed an Oyster Card. Perhaps he had forgotten to purchase one. That may be a better explanation.
I don’t suppose anyone would have expected him to have an Oyster Card, says the Owner. After all, he is President of the United States.
Ah, I say. But they would not know that. Not if he was wearing a Hat.
The Owner says she does not think the President of the United States would buy an Oyster Card. He would think it Beneath Him to queue in the Newsagents. In his Hat.
I think she is holding on to her argument with a certain Stubborn Resistance in the face of a Persuasive Counterclaim. I adopt the Moral High Ground. Perhaps, I say, someone just needed to give the Poor Man an Oyster Card. One should always give the Benefit of the Doubt. I suspect nobody thought of it. The Prime Minister should have offered his. How terrible that he did not do so.
The Owner sighs. You are right, she says. One should always give the Benefit of the Doubt and that must be why The President of the United States had to fly away in Four Helicopters rather than take the Bus. I should have realised.
I think for a moment. Although I say, it is possible that the President executed a Complex Helicopter Bluff and did in fact take the Bus. We may have done the Prime Minister a Disservice by Misjudging his Prescience and his Oyster Card Generosity.
The Owner says Pigs Might Fly.
I think she is confusing the matter with Pigs. It is clear what is Flying and that is Helicopters. With or without the President of the United States. We may never know.
I watch as the helicopters disappear from view. I hope he remembered to take his Hat, I say.
The Owner says she needs to lie down.
She has only just got up, but the Impeccable Logic of the Moral Dog is sometimes exhausting.
Hergest the Hound
I am a dog of many thoughts.