I am a dog of many thoughts.
The Moral Dog feels compelled to return to the Page by the Oddness of his Owner, who is Apparently Too Busy to Go For a Walk. You Cannot be Too Busy, I say. You are Just Sitting There looking at that Plastic Thing, I say. I am Not Just Sitting […]
Where does the Sun Go? I ask the Owner. It does not Go Anywhere, says the Owner. The Earth Turns Round and the Sun is Behind Us. You mean Underneath Us, I say, where the Elephants and the Turtle are, I say. The Moral Dog has been reading Terry Pratchett […]
I am Lying on the Floor Next to the Owner as she Exercises. I sigh. What? Asks the Owner. And that was Dog Breath, says the Owner. What will you come back as? I ask the Owner. And that is because I am a Dog, I say. I have not […]
I do not think it is Reasonable, I say, that a Moral Dog should be on a Lead in the Coffee Shop, I say. It is perfectly Reasonable, says the Owner. Yesterday the Moral Dog Engaged in a Possessive Fashion with the Croissant of the Lady with the Blue Trousers. […]
The Owner and the Moral Dog meet the Lady with the Chihuahua in the Park. Hello, says the Lady. Hello, says the Owner. Ese hijo de hámster me orinó, says the Chihuahua. What if I did? I say. Those that Live by the Sword, die by the Sword, I say. […]
What is the Matter? asks the Owner, appearing in the Kitchen. I am scared, I say. How do you know? Asks the Owner, Blearily. My Heart is Beating fast, I say, I have Butterflies in my Stomach and I Cannot Sleep. Why? Says the Owner. I am Anticipating my Imminent […]
Today is the Birthday of the Man. I deliver my Birthday Present, Even Before he Wakes. Hurrah, I say, adding an Enthusiastic Hello. That Dog has Covered Me in Ectoplasm, says the Man, disappearing into the Shower. It is his Birthday Slobber, I tell the Owner. I do not Slobber […]
There is a New Dog with a Bushy Tail in the Park. We find it attempting to Save the Day by rescuing a Small Human from its Unwanted Sandwich. Caspar and I explain that we are Superdog and his Trusty and Morally Equal Sidekick, Fluffy (or, as Caspar puts it, […]
What are you Doing? Asks the Owner. I am Singing, I say. Please Stop, says the Owner. Was I not In Tune? I say. No, says the Owner. That is why I need to Practise, I say. It is 3am, says the Owner. When the Melody takes you, I say, […]
This is Terrible, says the Owner. We must Write a Letter to support Mubarak Bala. Why must we Do That? I ask. He is the President of the Nigerian Humanist Association. Says the Owner. He was arrested for Blasphemy in April, says the Owner. He was transferred to the Islamic […]
Blood is Pouring from the Tail of the Moral Dog, in a Steady Stream. He lies weakly on his Cushion watching the Owner Rushing Around at the Sight of It as the Life Ebbs from him. Oh for Goodness Sake, says the Owner, producing a Cold Cloth. At Last, I […]
Why are you Whining? Asks the Owner. Because I need a Walk, I say, I am Fading Fast. We have Just Walked Extensively, says the Owner, and Now I have Other Things to Do. I see, I say. In that case I am Obliged to Fade, I say. I apologise […]
Today was the day you brought me Home, I tell the Owner. What were the Chances of that? I say. Of All The Gin Joints In All The Towns In All The World, You Walked Into Mine, I say. It must have been a Million to One, I say. It […]
We have to go to the Shops, says the Owner. I am not coming out, I say. It is Too Dangerous, I say. I may be hit by a Meteorite, I say. Nobody has ever been Hit by a Meteorite, says the Owner. On the Contrary, I say, on November […]
Can we go to the Moon? I ask. No, says the Owner. From the Moral Dog’s Perspective that seems a Little Harsh, I say. From the Owner’s Perspective it is Perfectly Reasonable, says the Owner. I suppose Gromit’s trip to the Moon was a Special Treat, I say. Or perhaps […]
