The coffee shop is decorated with hearts and flowers. Happy Valentine’s Day, says the Coffee Man when the Owner Orders Coffee. Happy Valentine’s Day, he says to the Man. Happy Valentine’s Day Hergest, he says to me.. Thankyou, says the Owner. That is Very Sweet of You. Was that not […]
I put Squeaky Cat on the Computer and he Gazes at the Owner. The Owner says she does not want to play. The Moral Dog has played for hours, she says. Now I need to work. It is not me that wants to play, I say, it is Squeaky Cat. […]
Do not jump into the road, says the Owner. It is Unwise. There were no bicycles coming, I say. It was not Unwise on this Occasion. One should live by Wise General Rules, says the Owner, and not jump into the Road At all. The Moral Dog is too wise […]
Hergest, says the Owner, you cannot sit on me. You do not fit. I need to sit on you, I say. It is how we Bond, I say. Bonding is of the Mind not the Knees, says the Owner. Knees help, I say. Nevertheless I will have to Bond with […]
My Ball is lost. Who, precisely, has lost my Ball is a Moot point. I appears to me that, since the Owner threw it, she has lost it. The Owner, on the other hand, seems to feel that some kind of Understanding between the Moral Dog and the Owner regarding […]
Look, Hergest, says the Owner, the Postman has at last given me the Dress I have been waiting for. But you already have a Dress, I say. That is exactly why I need another one, says the Owner. Can we go for a walk now? I ask. Don’t be ridiculous, […]
I would like to talk, I say. I am not going to talk about cheese any more, says the Owner. The subject is closed. Let us talk about Something Else. I do not always talk about cheese, I say. Yes, you do, says the Owner. Always. It lies at the […]
Stop begging, Hergest, says the Owner. I am not begging, I say. I am Sitting Silently By. You did not have to say a word, says the Owner, to be gazing at my Ice Cream Voraciously. I am gazing at your Ice Cream, I say, but Voracious is the Wrong […]
The Owner and I are in the Kitchen, Doing our Respective Jobs.. Hergest, says the Owner, please stop Barking. I am trying to Write my PhD. I have to Bark, I say, I am a Dog. That is Not True, says the Owner, and as a Person with Training in […]
The Owner says that I Cannot Ever have Cheese Again. But I Like Cheese, I say, and I Deserve Cheese. All Principles of Justice suggest that I should have Cheese. Not All Principles, sats the Owner. It is Unjust to deprive me of my One Pleasure, I say. The Moral […]
Caspar says Nigel the Bulldog is in the Newspaper today wearing a Red, Blue and White coat and Waving a Flag. Caspar says he was Very Rude to some Belgians whilst he was speaking in their House. It seems he said that the Belgians and their House were Sons of […]
Hasta la Vista, Gringo, says a Voice in the Tree. That Bird is Very Strange and Extremely Rude, I say. It is a Parrot, says the Owner, a Stranger which has made its Home here. Does it not want to Go Back to where it Came From? I say. It […]
He is Obsessed, says the Owner. When he sees a Ball he Forgets Everything. Everything. My Shouts fall on Deaf Ears. My Whistle Goes Unnoticed. Even the Offer of Cheese Produces not even a Flick of the Ears. I think we need to Do Something before he gets another ASBO. […]
Something arrived in the Post. Squeaky Cat is having an Existential Crisis, I tell the owner, he thought he was a Unique Being, a Squeaky Cat without Equal, One Unrepeatable Entity in a Universe of Unrepeatable Entities, and he now finds he has Been Duplicated. You should be kind to […]
The Owner is reading an Article in the Guardian about Beauty. Many Owners, it seems, are having their faces Injected in order that they should look Young and Fresh. Should I be doing this, Hergest? She asks. And Please Be Honest, she adds. The Moral Dog is Always Honest. Why […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 