The Owner says People do not see what is right in front of their Noses, which is why the Prime Minister is the Prime Minister despite not being Moral At All. This is Illustrated Extremely Well this Morning, when Caspar and I have a Narrow Escape. We are All watching […]
I saw you, says Bercow. You were walking to Heel. I was not Walking to Heel, I say with Dignity. I am a Free and Moral Dog. I make my Own Decisions regarding Where I walk. You didn’t look very Free to me, says Bercow, you looked Totally Oppressed. Freedom […]
I am helping the Owner play the Harp. She is working the Strings and I am managing the Pedals. My Part is Going Extremely Well, although her part is Making some Odd Noises. Hergest, says the Owner, I feel we need to Reevaluate our Approach. I do not think this […]
Hergest, says the Owner, we are Trying a New Treatment for the Good of Science. We must give Feedback to the Vet on Whether it is Satisfactory. A new Treatment? I say. Animal Experimentation? I say. What will happen if it is not Satisfactory? I say. Will I grow an […]
I found the Ball in a Dark Corner of the Park when I was playing Hide and Seek with the Owner. One minute I was Alone in the Bushes, the next Moment it was there. Almost as if it was Meant for Me. Hergest, Leave the Ball and come out […]
Woof, I say, and again Woof. Hergest, says the Owner, that is Very Loud Barking and it has gone on for a Very Long Time. Could you not Desist? It is essential that I continue, I say, someone is trying to get into the House and Murder us in our […]
Two Humans, One Small and One Large are Arguing in the Coffee Shop. It seems that, Central to the Argument, is a Dispute regarding a who will Sit in the Pushchair. During the resulting Furious Exchange of views a Large Biscuit is Thrown onto the Floor by the Small Human. […]
The Owner and I are watching TV. The Men in White and the Men in Green are in a Heap fighting over a Ball. The Owner waves her Arms and Shouts Joyfully. England have Won, she says. It seems to me, I say to the Owner, that You have just […]
We seem not to have any Cheese, says the Man. That is odd, says the Owner, there was plenty of Cheese earlier. The Man looks at me. Was it That Dog? He asks. It seems to me that he is wearing a Nefarious Face. I am not wearing a Nefarious […]
I know you can get up there, says the Owner, you are a Tall Dog. Jump up and put your paws on the side of the Boot, Then I will lift your legs. I cannot, I say. It is Too High. I am a Moral Dog. I cannot be expected […]
It was Completely Outrageous, I say. The Cat was in the Garage, I say. It was Sitting on my Spare Cushion as if its Comfort was Sufficient Moral Grounds to Occupy my Space, I say. It was Oppressing me, I say. Whilst I am saying all this I am also […]
Please stop your Dog from Looming Houndishly at my Small Human, says the Smart Lady. Its Coat is from Boden. It has Unicorns on. I am sorry, says the Owner to the Owner of the Small Human, my Dog is only a Puppy. My Coat is from Amazon, I say […]
The Owner and I were having a wonderful time playing with the Ball this morning, when she lost it. One minute it was flying through the air, a glorious vision of fluorescent lime, damp with the morning dew and ever-so-slightly slobbery. The next minute there was the Owner prodding with […]
I am playing in the Park with the Owner and an Excellent Stick when the Other Dog appears. It is the most Ridiculous Dog I have ever seen. It is Brown and White with Floppy Ears and a waggly tail. Hello, it says. Give me that Stick. Certainly not, I […]
I did not see the Owner last night so I say Hello Enthusiastically. The Owner has been to the Vet. She has a bandage and is Extremely Grumpy when the Moral Dog Leaps to Say Hello. Ouch, she says. Can you not tell I have an Injury, she says. I […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 