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February 27th. The postman.

Woof, I say, and again Woof.

Hergest, says the Owner, that is Very Loud Barking and it has gone on for a Very Long Time. Could you not Desist?

It is essential that I continue, I say, someone is trying to get into the House and Murder us in our Beds.

We are not in our Beds, says the Owner. You need to use less Imagination and more Logic.

Murderers are good at Improvisation, I say. I am sure they can Murder us in our Chairs. It is You that needs to use less Imagination and More Logic.

But it is the Postman, says the Owner. You like the Postman. I cannot Imagine the Postman murdering anyone.

That is beside the point, I say. He may have Lulled me into a False Sense of Security. That would be the Logical thing for a Murderer to do.

Postmen do not Lull, says the Owner, your Imagination is being Most Unfair to the Postman, who means only to Deliver the Post.

Logically, that is what he Wants me to Imagine, I say.

You have no Logical Evidence that the Postman means you any Harm, says the Owner. The Postman has never Harmed You.

Not So Far, I say, but I am a Logical Evidence Based Dog, I say. I am not Swayed by Emotion, nor the Siren Persuasion of Pleasant Postmen with High Level Lulling Skills. I am Swayed only by what I See Before Me.

You have a Wild and Ridiculous Imagination, says the Owner. What Possible Evidence Persuades you that this Cacophony of Vocal Dogness is Essential to our Continued Moral Presence upon the Earth? Give me Just One Logical Reason to put up with the Moral Dog’s continued Vocal Defence of our Entirely Peaceful Space.

It is Logically Obvious, I say. I have been Barking for Hours and We are Still Alive.

There is nothing the Owner can say in response to this Irrefutable Statement of Logical Fact. This is presumably why she has Rolled her Eyes and is now Working in Ear Plugs whilst the Moral Dog continues his Defence. It is an Imaginative Response to a Logical Dog, but she can Imagine all she likes. The Logic of the Moral Dog is Impeccable.

Woof, I say, and again, Woof.

Categories: dignity dog dog philosophy

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.

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