I am a dog of many thoughts.
The Moral Dog is lying on his Cushion, feeling Oppressed. What is Wrong? Asks the Owner. Rousseau said the Moral Dog is Born free, and Everywhere he is in Chains, I say. I am Oppressed, I say. Who is Oppressing the Moral Dog? Asks the Owner. I am Oppressed by […]
I do not understand why I only have Four Legs, I tell the Owner. It is because you are a Dog, says the Owner. That is like saying that the Owner has only Two Legs because she is a Person, I say. A simple Factual Correlation between Dogness and Leg […]
The Other Dog Bit my Ear and I am Wounded. Blood pours from me in a Steady Stream and I am Fading Fast. Excuse me, I say to the Owner. I am Fading Fast. The Owner says I must be Quiet as she is on Zoom with the Vet. I […]
Am I Free? I ask the Owner. You are Very Expensive, says the Owner. Owing to your insistence on Isle of Mull Extra Mature Cheddar Hand Made to the Sound of Bagpipes by Seventeenth Generation Islanders wearing their Great Grandfather’s Home Woven Tartan. Hahaha, I say, I do not mean […]
The Newspaper says that the Prime Minister says he is as Fit as a Butcher’s Dog, I say. Indeed, says the Owner, perhaps he is. If a Butcher has a Dog, I say, One might imagine it might be quite Lardy. It depends which Butcher you are referring to, says […]
Why are we not going for our Walk? I ask. Because I wish to finish Reading my book of Dog Psychology, says the Owner. I am learning about the Five Stages of Grief, says the Owner. What are the Five Stages of Grief? I ask. They are Denial, Anger, Bargaining, […]
A Second Pet, I say. Would The Moral Dog Object? Asks the Owner. Of course not, I say. That is Good Then, says the Owner. It does seem, I say, to be a Rather Strange Question, I say. In the Circumstances, I say. Because the Moral Dog would like to […]
The Moral Dog has a Guilty Face, says the Owner. How do you know? I ask. Because I am looking at it, says the Owner, and it has Guilt written all over it. If it has Guilt written all over it, I say, then you have Written it there. I […]
The Owner says that we must be More Committed to Addressing Equality. What do you mean by Addressing Equality? I ask the Owner. And how does one become More Committed? Equality is about ensuring that every Individual has an equal opportunity to make the most of their Lives and Talents, […]
Squeaky Ball has come out of the Washing Machine. I greet him rapturously, as befits a Moral Dog reunited with his Soulmate. I thought I was your Soulmate, says the Owner. You are my Soulmate, I say, but so is Squeaky Ball. He is a Mate to a different Part […]
Let us go to the Park, I say. The Pond is calling, I say. I do not think it is, says the Owner. Ponds do not Call. You are interpreting me too Literally, I say. It is the Echo of the Morning’s Happy Hours in the Pond that are Calling […]
The Owner and I step out of the Door. The Sounds of the Park are enticing, and on the Breeze comes a Faint smell of Cheese Sandwiches. Let us go to the Park, I say. No, says the Owner, we are not going to the Park, we are going to […]
How do I become Prime Minister? I ask the Owner. I think you acquire a Tousled Appearance, father lots of children, learn to speak Ancient Greek and make a Large Number of Culturally Inappropriate Jokes using words of at least Four Syllables, says the Owner. I was being Serious, I […]
Why do we have to Go Home? I say. Because the Man and I are Wet, says the Owner. I am also Wet, I say, but I do not want to Go Home. You wet us, says the Man. That is Beside the Point, I say. Then let us Vote, […]
The Owner and the Man and I look at One Another. Then we look at the Bush. Hello? Says the Disembodied Voice of the Man’s Colleague. Mildred has gone into the Bush and she Cannot get Out, says the Man. Then you must Help Her, says the Disembodied Voice of […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 