Why do we have to Go Home? I say.
Because the Man and I are Wet, says the Owner.
I am also Wet, I say, but I do not want to Go Home.
You wet us, says the Man.
That is Beside the Point, I say.
Then let us Vote, says the Owner. Who wants to go home because they are wet?
The Owner and the Man put up their Hands.
Who wants to stay and Wallow in the Pond? Says the Owner.
I roll over and Raise my Legs.
It seems to me that I have won, I say.
You are Outvoted, says the Owner. Two hands were raised.
You are Outvoted, I say. It must have skipped your attention that I Raised Four Legs, I say.
There is only One of You, says the Owner. You can raise as Many Legs as you like but we will count only One Leg, says the Owner. You are Still Outvoted, says the Owner. We are still Going Home, says the Owner.
I do not see why I should be Outvoted just because you do not like being Wet, I say.
Because that is Democracy, says the Owner.
Democracy does not sound very Moral, I say. It does not seem Fair to the Moral Dog that Two People should get what they want at the expense of Third, I say. Particularly when their views appear to be entirely Selfish, I say.
Democracy allows all voices to be Heard, says the Owner.
The Moral Dog’s Voice was not heard very Loudly, I say.
On the contrary, says the Owner, it was Fully Heard and but it was Overwhelmed by Other Voices in a manner which resulted in the Greatest Happiness of the Most Possible People.
On the contrary, I say, it results in the Greatest Selfishness of the Greatest Number of People, I say. Why is it better for Two Persons to Get Their Own Way rather than One? I say. Democracy sucks, I say.
John Stuart Mill says that Democracy is the best Method of decision-making because it takes into account the rights and opinions of The Most People and allows them to Express their Autonomy, says the Owner.
The Moral Dog’s Autonomy appears to have been Expressed into the Bin, I say. Thomas Hobbes says that Democracy prevents Minority Voices from Counting for much at all, I say. The Moral Dog is clearly Oppressed by Democracy, I say. In a Hobbesian Liberal Democracy, the powers of the majority should be limited by the Protections of the Minority, I say. Through the provision of certain individual rights, I say. I assume you are Sufficiently Liberal to uphold this View, I say. Given that you have a large copy of the Universal Declaration of Human Rights on the Wall, I say.
What kind of Individual Rights could Mitigate the Oppression of the Moral Dog and Right the Moral Wrongs of Democracy? Asks the Owner.
Some sort of Positive Discrimination might redress the Balance, I say. Do you have any Suggestions? I ask.
He means Cheese, says the Man. This is all about Cheese, says the Man.
I do not think it likely, says the Owner, that the Moral Dog got into the Pond, Wallowed in Weed, came out of the Pond and Transferred the Pond to the Man and Myself purely in Pursuit of Cheese. Only a Slippery Eel would behave in such a way.
Indeed, says the Man.
I therefore think the Moral Dog who agrees to come home should be offered Cheese, says the Owner.
I do not agree, says the Man.
I take it I have a Vote in this? I say. Who is in the Minority now? I say.
There is something to be said for Democracy after all.
Hergest the Hound
I am a dog of many thoughts.