Wake up, says the Voice of the Owner, it is Morning and Time for our Walk.
I am already awake, I say. The Sun has been Shining for Hours in the Cheese Fields where I am playing with this Purple Giraffe, I say.
You are not awake, says the Voice of the Owner, You are Talking in Your Sleep.
No, I say, You are Talking in My Sleep. Go Away and allow me to enjoy my Cheese with this Purple Giraffe.
It is too late, says the Voice of the Owner, you are Already Awake. That was a Dream.
How do you know? I ask.
Because I am Real, says the Voice of the Owner, and there is no Such Thing as a Purple Giraffe.
Frankly, says the Purple Giraffe, I could say the same about your Owner..
That is Exactly what the Purple Giraffe says about You, I say.
Do not listen to the Purple Giraffe, says the Voice of the Owner. Purple Giraffes cannot be relied upon, says the Voice of the Owner. They are Here Tonight and Gone Tomorrow, says the Voice of the Owner. I am always Faithful and True, says the Voice of the Owner.
Descartes says one Cannot Always distinguish between Dreams and Reality, I say. How am I to determine which of you is Real? I say.
Do not listen to the Owner, says the Purple Giraffe. Owners cannot be Relied Upon, says the Purple Giraffe. They appear Today but are Gone Tonight, says the Purple Giraffe. The Cheese Fields and I are alway here, says the Purple Giraffe. Do you not return to the Cheese Fields on a Nightly Basis? It adds, with Poetic Rhetorical Emphasis.
Did you hear what the Purple Giraffe has to say? I say.
No, says the Voice of the Owner, I cannot hear the Purple Giraffe because it is not Real.
She would say that, wouldn’t she, says the Purple Giraffe.
The Purple Giraffe observes that I return to the Cheese Fields Every Night, I say. He suggests that is what you would say if you were not Real, I say. He used Poetic Rhetorical Emphasis, I say.
That is because Poetic Rhetorical Emphasis is All He Has Got, says the Voice of the Owner.
Ouch, says the Purple Giraffe.
How do you suggest I determine who is Real? I ask the Voice of the Owner.
Descartes said One can distinguish Dreams by their Lack of Continuity, says the Voice of the Owner. If the Purple Giraffe and the Cheese Fields are real then the Moral Dog should by now, through the Principle of Continuity, be feeling Full of Cheese. Is he feeling Full of Cheese?
Now that I consider it, I am in fact not, I say. Your move, I tell the Purple Giraffe.
I grant you that the Cheese Meadows have not been Greatly Forthcoming, says the Purple Giraffe, but the Cheese is not yet Ready for Harvest. Tell the Owner that if is she is so sure she is the Real One and I am the Dream then she should Put her Cheese where her Mouth is.
My Purple Friend suggests, I tell the Voice of the Owner, that if you are real you will Also Provide Cheese. The Moral Dog can then determine whose Cheese is the Most Real, this Not-Yet-Ready-For Harvest Cheese in the care of my Purple Friend, or your Own Cheese.
Oh for Goodness Sake, says the Voice of the Owner. Here is your Morning Cheese. Now will you wake up?
The Cheese is delightful. The Purple Giraffe vanishes in a Puff of Daylight and I Wake.
Hello, I say. I must have been Dreaming, I say.
Indeed, says the Owner.
I cannot believe you fell for that, says the Man.
Hergest the Hound
I am a dog of many thoughts.