What is at the Edge of Space? I ask the Owner from my Oppressed Spot on the Floor. Nothing, says the Owner. You mean Nothing but more Space, I say. No, says the Owner, I mean an Absence of Space. So what Fills the Space beyond the Edge of Space? […]
Wake up, says the Voice of the Owner, it is Morning and Time for our Walk. I am already awake, I say. The Sun has been Shining for Hours in the Cheese Fields where I am playing with this Purple Giraffe, I say. You are not awake, says the Voice […]
Why am I here? I ask. Well, says the Owner, there was a Mummy Dog and a Daddy Dog, and they Liked Each Other Very Much… Please do not say another word about That, I say. That is not what I meant, I say. I have Been on the Internet, […]
Why am I on the Lead? I say. We are in the Park, I say. Because this Lady, says the Owner, feels that you are responsible for the Colour of her Child. She says her Child was not the Colour of Mud when she gave him to you. You can […]
I do not want to Leave the Pond, I say. We are going Home, says the Owner, departing into the Middle Distance. Do you have Cheese? I ask. No, says the Owner, I have a Commanding Tone and a Moral Dog who Knows what is Good for Him. That is […]
Thank you very much, says the Owner. Don’t mention it, I say. I wasn’t, says the Owner. You just did, I say. I was being Ironic, says the Owner. One would not normally thank a Moral Dog for covering one in Pondwater. Philosophers debate the specific conditions under which Gratitude […]
Get off the Sofa, says the Owner. You always say that, I say. And you never Get Off, says the Owner. Then why do you Keep Asking? I ask. Because I hope that you will Learn from your Mistakes, says the Owner. Just because you got it right Yesterday, does […]
I would like to Travel in Time, I say, in order to have Another Birthday Today. You cannot do that, says the Owner, because it is Physically Impossible to Travel to the Past. The Past no longer exists, except in Memory. That is a Nowist view, I say. Nowism is […]
Today is the Moral Dog’s Birthday and he is Presented with a Number of Gifts by his Friends in the Park. The Gifts are Excellent in their Dog-Appropriateness, Sentiment and General Design. The Owner, Somewhat Doggistly, says she is Exercising what she calls her Reasonable Powers of Veto over Some […]
The Owner and I head into the Park. The Sun is Shining and there are Moral Dogs everywhere. Balls are being Thrown and Chased, Squirrels are Hanging around the bottom of Trees Seductively, Ducks are Chorussing Smug Insults as if they think a Moral Dog cannot Swim, Small Humans are […]
The Owner and I have been Watching the Prime Minister’s briefing. The Owner has gone that Lilac colour she reserves for Prime Ministers, Health Secretaries, Home Secretaries and Those People who keep Ringing the Doorbell in the Middle of the Night. Can we go to the Zoo? I ask. No, […]
The Owner and I are in the Woods when she reads that there are People who want to tear down the Statue of Winston Churchill. That is terrible, she says. Sir Winston Churchill’s statue does not Commemorate the Profits of Slavery, it commemorates his Pivotal role in the Defence of […]
Evening, says the Mouse. Excuse me, I say, I thought you had left. There was a certain amount of Eviction, says the Mouse, but I have Regrouped. You do not seem to have learned your Lesson, I say. What do you mean? Says the Mouse. You appear to have walked […]
We meet a Huge Snarling Dog I have not met before. As I approach to say a quiet hello it flies at me through the air, Snarling Terrifyingly. Whilst the Owners commence a Mind-Numbing discussion of the Failings of the Health Secretary which I assume will Last Some Time, I […]
Why are you lying on the floor? I ask. Are you ill? No, says the Owner, it is Exercise. It is part of my Personal Development. Who in their Right Mind Exercises when lying down? I say. Allow me. What are you doing? Asks the Owner. I am Helping, I […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 