Evening, says the Mouse.

Excuse me, I say, I thought you had left.

There was a certain amount of Eviction, says the Mouse, but I have Regrouped.

You do not seem to have learned your Lesson, I say.

What do you mean? Says the Mouse.

You appear to have walked into the Same Trap from which you were Evicted last night, I say.

You got a Problem with that? Asks the Mouse.

Frankly, I say, to a Moral Dog, I say, that makes you look like a bit of a Twit, I say. Your position does not appear to have Improved, I say.

Haha, says the Mouse. That is Very Funny, says the Mouse. Come here and Say That, says the Mouse.

I cannot, I say, as I am shut in my Moral Dog Den for my Own Safety, I say.

Hahahahaha, says the Mouse. Who is the Clever One here, says the Mouse.

It is very Comfortable, I say. I am safe here, I say. I have a Cushion, I say. It is Tartan, I say. I am clearly the Clever One, I say.

And have you got any Cheese in there? Asks the Mouse.

No, I say, of course not, I say. My Cushion is Too Precious to Smell of Cheese, I say.

That is the Silliest thing I have ever Heard, says the Mouse.

That is Pretty Rich, I say, coming from a Mouse who has walked into the Same Trap he was in Last Night.

You appear to be in a very Large Dog Trap to me, says the Mouse. I on the other hand, am back in this Not Uncomfortable Humane Trap, which would almost certainly be Approved by David Attenborough, with a very large piece of Parmesan and every expectation of being released in the Morning.

Me too, says a Voice from behind the Cupboard. Sucker, it adds.

Who was that? I ask.

That is my Colleague Boris, says the Mouse. He is in a Similar Position in a Similar Trap. Boris has Chocolate in His. I bet you do not have Chocolate in your Dog Trap Either.

Moral Dogs cannot have Chocolate, I say. It makes us Unwell, I say. And it is not a Dog Trap, I say, it is a Bed.

That’s what they Tell you, says the Mouse.

I will also be released in the Morning, I say. And I have a Cow’s Ear and Squeaky Cat who are Excellent for Chewing.

When I am released I will have Space, says the Mouse, to Run Wild and Free with my Cheese.

There is Plenty of Space in my Den, I say. It is Warm and Lovely and Entirely Defended against the Dangers of the Night.

What Dangers? Says the Mouse.

I think he means Us, says the Voice of Boris.

Hahaha, I say, I do not mean You, I say, I mean the Ghostly Owls and Headless Zombies that Roam the Hours of Darkness seeking Creatures on which to Feast.

There is a Silence.

I had not Thought of That, says the Mouse.

Me neither, says the Voice of Boris.

Do you think that’s what happened to Theresa? Asks the Mouse.

Almost Certainly, I say.

How much space is there in your Den? Asks the Voice of Boris.

Lots, I say. There is room for at least Six of You, I say. So there, I say. There would be no Better Place for a Mouse to spend the night if he had any Sense, I say. Which clearly you do not, I say. Who is the Clever One Now, I say. Hahahaha, I say.

The Mice Confer briefly in Squeaks. I can tell I have given them Something to Think About. They will be not returning to use the Trap again. The Owner will be Very Pleased.

Categories: dignity dog dog philosophy mouse

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.