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Sept 12th. The Small Humans.

I like Small Humans. Unlike some (fluffy) dogs I have met I will not joke that I would not eat a whole one at once, it goes against my instincts. I would not even eat Caspar (although light chewing is acceptable). I have the instincts of a Rescue Dog. Today […]

Sept 11th. Jurassic Cheese.

The Owner and I both, it seems, like cheese. How should I look at this? Should I (a) take the narrow survival-of-the-fittest view that velociraptors epitomise, the view that life is a competition for cheese in which I am pitted against the Owner and may, ultimately, have to choose between […]

Sept 11th. A relatively good dog.

Usual trip to coffee shop with owner this morning. Met Caspar, who was looking impossibly fluffy. The Owner petted him. AGAIN. So much for monogamy. Attempted to eat him under guise of puppy play. We’ll see who’s cute when she gets dog hairs in her cappuccino. The Owner retrieves me […]

Sept 10th The Rescue Ring.

Humans are deeply illogical. In my park, the one where I walk every day for my allotted exercise (some terrible fascist Owner formula decrees that I cannot pull her around the part for more than 15 minutes twice a day lest she wear out) there is a certain illogic. There […]

Sept 9th. What is going on?

The Owner was extremely excitable this morning. Had no idea why until had unwanted visit to vet who suggested my nails needed trimming and sold her a nail file. If the dog god had meant nails to be trimmed dogs would be born with their own nail files. Clearly the […]

Sept 9th. Exhaustion.

Sometimes I want to run up the stairs. Sometimes I don’t. When I want to my legs work. When I don’t want to they simply don’t work. It’s no good waving treats at me. They simply don’t work. Although when there is cheese they can sometimes recover.

Sept 8th. Speciesism

Charles Darwin suggested that all animals are shaped by the need to compete with other species in order to find an ecological niche in which they can succeed. Kind of like a chair, which you shape exactly to fit. It’s an odd idea, since it suggests I fit exactly the […]

Sept 7th Faithlessness.

This morning owner petted strange dog. Caspar, he was called. I suppose he’s pretty, if you like the type. Very fluffy. Very cute. Faithless. She even seemed to know him. Clearly has fondled other dogs before. My eyes are open. I should have seen the signs. I behave honourably, and […]

Sept 7th. Terry Pratchett.

‘Did I hear things, or can that little dog speak?’ said Dibbler.He says he can’t,’ said Victor.Dibbler hesitated. The excitement was unhinging him a little. ‘Well,’ he said, ‘I suppose he should know.’   I wish that I had met Terry Pratchett. Clearly he knew a lot about dogs.

Sept 6th. I am Wolf.

Visited butcher today with Woman. What a man. Gave woman pieces of fresh sheep in bag. Woman gave one of them to me. Realised true nature of self at last. Canids may have evolved to make poodles but we are all still canids. I am Dog, but beneath I am […]