The Owner is standing on One Leg with both arms in the air and the other leg crossed over her knee. Her bottom is protruding in a Westerly direction to the extent that someone less wise than the Moral Dog might suggest it looked Big like that, and she is […]
The Foxes come to be fed every day. Their level of Entitlement is flabbergasting. They look at me as if the Owner is some sort of Shared Resource and eat my Bedtimes Biscuits without so much as an Acknowledgement by Whose they Really Are. They are Making Assumptions. It should […]
Hergest, says the Owner, you are a Total Pain, you are constantly walking in front of me and tripping me up. On the contrary, I say, it is you who is a total Pain, you are constantly following me around and falling over me. That is ridiculous, says the Owner. […]
There is talk amongst the Dogs in the Park that the Coffee Shop may soon reopen, I say. Indeed, says the Owner, let us go there as soon as I have made my Face Mask. Seriously? I say. Just for a coffee? I say. Seriously, says the Owner. The Moral […]
So now can we go to the Seaside? I ask. No, says the Owner. Not even for Exercise? I ask. No, says the Owner. If one goes for Exercise the length of the Journey should not be greater than the length of the Exercise. I am prepared to exercise all […]
I knew it, says the Owner. You knew what? I ask. You know what I knew, says the Owner. The Moral Dog is not a Mindreader, I say. If I knew what you knew then I would know what it is that you knew. The Moral Dog should just admit […]
Hergest, says the Owner, why are you sleeping there? Because the Owner, in her Wisdom, has seen fit to banish me from the Bed, I say. What is wrong with your Cushion? Asks the Owner. There is nothing wrong with my Cushion, I say. It is a Perfect Cushion, even […]
Hergest, get off me, says the Owner. Why can I not sit on the Front Seat? I ask. Because I am on it, says the Owner. In what sense can you possibly mean such a statement? I ask. In the sense that I do not want you On It with […]
The Owner is having a meeting on Zoom. Why can I not meet my friends on Zoom? I ask. Because you are a Dog, says the Owner. I do not see why Dogs should not meet on Zoom, I say. It is not that they cannot, it is that Zoom […]
I cannot believe you made me watch that, I say. It is a Classic Film, says the Owner. There are things which, once Known, can never be Unknown, I say. Indeed, says the Owner, the Fact that almost half of America voted for Donald Trump and would do so again […]
That is not your Ball, says the Owner. I found it, I say. We agreed that if I found a ball then it was mine. The Moral Dog did not find that Ball, says the Owner, he stole it. That is an Oxymoron, I say. No Moral Dog would steal […]
Where is mine? I ask. You will receive yours, says the Owner, when I have nearly finished mine. That is outrageous, I say. Am I a second class citizen in my own home? Am I demeaned to the status of Servant by my own Butler? I am not your Butler, […]
Why are you looking so Melancholy? I ask. I am missing the Coffee Shop, says the Owner. It has not gone anywhere, I say, it is still there. We can go and see it. I think you will find that through the Park is the quickest route. It is not […]
It is difficult, being a Superhero during lockdown. The Close Personal Attention of the Superhero Hound seems less than Welcome. Bouncing is Misinterpreted. Slobber is suspect. People appear not to want to be saved. So when the Owner offers a Viewing of a Superhero Film I am secretly thrilled and […]
Look, say the Owner, out of the Window. Do you not see the beauty of Highgate Wood? It is too lovely, I sob, I cannot bear to leave it. But we have only just got here, says the Owner. That means we will soon be going, I hiccup. You need […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 