Where is mine? I ask.
You will receive yours, says the Owner, when I have nearly finished mine.
That is outrageous, I say. Am I a second class citizen in my own home? Am I demeaned to the status of Servant by my own Butler?
I am not your Butler, says the Owner.
You make my bed and serve my food and launder my tomato coloured coat, I say. You even lift me into the Car when I am perfectly capable of jumping in by myself, I say. That sounds like a Butler to me, I say.
We are not watching Downton Abbey ever again, says the Owner.
You are changing the subject, I say. We have an agreement, I say. Half of the lolly is yours and half is for the Moral Dog.
We do have an agreement, says the Owner, but the Moral Dog is, henceforth, starting his half a full five minutes after the Owner has started her half.
Henceforth? I say. Have you fallen into the nineteenth century? I say.
Clearly, says the Owner, since My Dog thinks I am a Butler.
We should start our halves at the same time, I say, as befits persons of Equal Moral Status. That is only Fair.
Unfortunately, says the Owner, if we start our halves at the same time the Moral Dog finishes his before I have started mine.
I see no problem with that, I say.
The problem with that is that he then gazes at me in a Starved and Deprived Fashion which entirely Ruins my Enjoyment, says the Owner.
That is understandable, I say, given that at that point you are enjoying a succulent lolly whilst the Moral Dog has nothing to console him but a half-chewed stick and the Memory of Lollies Past. At this point it would be only fair to offer your Beloved Dog some meagre Portion of what remains to you.
The Moral Dog is altering his concept of what is Fair to suit himself, says the Owner.
So, I say, we have agreed that there is more than one concept of Fairness.
There is, says the Owner, and I am adopting a measure related to quantity of Lolly.
I wish to make a case for Equal Time spent Eating Lolly, I say.
My way wins, says the Owner, because I am holding the Lolly.
A more Fair approach, I say, would be to spend equal time on both concepts of Fairness. We can adopt your approach to Share the Lolly and my Approach when we unaccountably find your approach not to have been Fair because you have Ample Lolly Time and I have none, and then your Approach again to equally Apportion what remains for a further period of Shared Lolly Time.
I would get very little lolly, Says the Owner.
But you would have the Joy of Sharing, I say.
You would be a Fat Dog, says the Owner.
And you would be a Slim Butler with the Added Delight of seeing my Happy Face, I say.
Smug, I would call it, says the Owner.
A Butler should not speak to me like That.
Hergest the Hound
I am a dog of many thoughts.