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May 6th. The Lolly.

Where is mine?  I ask. You will receive yours, says the Owner, when I have nearly finished mine. That is outrageous, I say. Am I a second class citizen in my own home? Am I demeaned to the status of Servant by my own Butler? I am not your Butler, […]

December 4th. the Football.

The Owner says it is very simple. It was not my football. I should have left it alone. I say well, whose football was it then? It belonged, she says to the Small Human who kicked it towards you. He kicked it at me, I said. When the ball comes […]

November 28th. The Martians.

I watch a documentary about Martians with the Owner. The Martians are not only extremely unfriendly, it does not Go Well for the Dog. I tell the Owner I am going to hide under the bed until the Martians have gone. You will be under there for a long time, […]

November 27th. The Swan.

Look Hergest, says the Owner. It is a Swan. Isn’t it beautiful? It’s coming to say hello. The Owner is clearly insane. It is not beautiful. It is not coming to say hello either. It is coming to say something but it is most definitely not hello. I am glad […]

November 21st. The ASBO.

I have been banned. It is a Dog ASBO. I am no longer allowed in the nature reserve by the pond. It’s not just you, Hergest, says the Owner. They have banned all dogs from the Nature Reserve. I say, I know it is me. It isn’t you, she says […]