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July 23rd. The shoes.

Let us go to the Park, I say.

Not now, says the Owner.

Why not? I say.

I am wearing my New Pink Shoes, says the Owner.

Why have you got New Shoes? I ask. The House is Full of Shoes, I say. You only have so many Feet, I say. The Moral Dog has considerably More Feet and No Shoes, I say. Marx would regard this as a Travesty of Social Justice, I say, you have more shoes than Feet, I say.

Marx said From Each According to his Ability, To Each According to his Needs, says the Owner.

We are disagreeing on the concept of Needs as regards Shoes, I say.

Shoes are necessary for the Feet of Owners, says the Owner. To Enable Walks in the Park, says the Owner.

You cannot possibly need More Shoes than the Moral Dog, I say.

The Moral Dog has an Answer for Everything, says the Owner.

The Moral Dog does his best, I say. Even when Short of Exercise, I say.

I needed These Shoes, says the Owner, because All of my Other Shoes are Old and None of my Old Shoes are Pink.

That is like saying you needed a Lilac Frog because all of your Old Frogs are Green, I say. It does not answer the Question of why you need more Frogs than you can Wear, I say. The Colour of Shoes is no more Relevant to their usefulness than is the Colour of a Frog, I say.

I would not wear a Lilac Frog, says the Owner. The Moral Dog is being Ridiculous.

It was a Metaphor, I say. The Owner is being Ridiculous.

Charles Rennie Mackintosh said have nothing that you do not Know to be Useful or Believe to be Beautiful, says the Owner.

Then it is Lucky for you that the Moral Dog is Both and can Advise you about both Shoes and Frogs, I say.

Do you not like the Shoes? Asks the Owner.

They look just the Ticket for Walking in the Park, I say. Let us go now so that all can Admire the Unnecessary Pinkness, I say. Perhaps the Lady in the Pink Trousers will spot a Kindred Spirit, I say. Perhaps she will have a Frog of Another Colour, I say. You could Exchange Frog Stories, I say.

The Moral Dog knows Perfectly Well that I cannot go to the Park in these Shoes, says the Owner. They will Get Dirty, says the Owner. As would a Lilac frog, says the Owner. Unless it was more of an Indigo shade, says the Owner. Besides, says the Owner, I cannot Walk in these Shoes. They Pinch, says the Owner. They are Actually Agony, says the Owner.

Then the Shoes seem to Fail the basic Tests of Shoes, I say. One of Which is Not to be Agony, I say. And the Other of Which is to Absorb the Dirt in the Park, I say. The Feet of the Moral Dog are obviously just abandoned to all Manner of Filth, I say. Filth, I say again, because it is a Good Word for a Moral Dog.

It is clear to me that as, a Moral Dog, says the Owner, you do not Understand Pink Shoes.

It is clear to me that, as an Owner, I say, you have failed to consider how you will manage walking in the Park in Agonising Shoes which Can not be Got Dirty, I say. What on Earth is the Point of Shoes which you Cannot Walk in and Cannot Get Dirty? I say.

I have an Answer to That, says the Owner. I will take them off to go to the Park, says the Owner. And put on my Old Shoes, says the Owner. And throughout our Walk I will be fortified by the Thought of the Perfect Pink Shoes Not Getting Dirty, says the Owner. This way they will not Pinch At All, says the Owner. I hope that Properly Explains the Presence of the Shoes, says the Owner. Ha, says the Owner. The Moral Dog has No Answer to that One, says the Owner.

You seem to be saying, I say, that the Real Reason for Actually Purchasing Pink Shoes is in order to Enjoy the Thought of Pink Shoes, I say.

You could put it Like That, says the Owner. That is Very Good, says the Owner. I shall tell That One to the Man, says the Owner.

Although you did not need to Actually Purchase them in order to Enjoy the Thought of them, I say.

That is Not the Point, says the Owner.

Indeed Actually Purchasing them was Totally Pointless, I say.

I would not put it Quite Like That, says the Owner.

I expect you will not tell That One to the Man, I say.

Do be Quiet, says the Owner.

All that One Achieves by Private Ownership is the Oppression of the Masses, I say. The Acquisition of Passive Property is the source of the Vast Inequalities in Contemporary Capitalism, I say. Property Rights are a Mere Means of Excluding Others from Taking Pleasure in the Same Things, I say. Property is Theft, I say. Stealing Pink Shoes is Hardly Becoming, I say. And You a Socialist, I say.

The Moral Dog is Bonkers, says the Owner.

I do not suppose Marx could even Imagine a Person Valuing Pink Shoes also the Good of Humanity, I say. You should be Ashamed of Yourself, I say. Sort Yourself Out, you say. Save your Socialist Soul, I say. Utilise the Free Returns for Fourteen Days Option, I say. The Man need Never Know, I say.

Lalalalala, says the Owner.

Sometimes the Owner seems beyond even the help of the Moral Dog.

Categories: dignity dog dog philosophy

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.

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