Why can I not have your ebay password? I ask the Owner.

Because the last time you had it you tried to order a life-sized Fur Gorilla, says the Owner.

It was a genuine mistake, I say. I thought it was a real Gorilla, I say. I must acquire a Mask, I say. The Health Secretary says I must wear one in the Coffee Shop at all times, I say.

The Health Secretary’s Latest Edict does not apply to the Moral Dog, says the Owner.

Why not? I say. Am I not a Man? I say. Am I not a Brother? I say.

No, says the Owner.

I was speaking Metaphorically, I say.

Metaphorically, says the Owner, you are of course both a Man and a Brother. However, Actually, you are a Dog. You therefore do not need to wear a Mask.

Why not? I ask.

They do not make Masks for Dogs, says the Owner.

I bet they do, I say. On the Internet, I say. I bet they have Masks with Pictures on them, I say. And possibly even Masks with a Red and Yellow ‘S’ on them, such as Superman might wear, were he a Dog, I say.

Shush, says Caspar.

For a Moment I fear I may have Said Too Much, but the Owner does not notice my Accidental Reference to my Alter Ego, Superdog. Such Masks are almost certainly for sale on ebay, she says. But you do not need one since, being a Metaphorical Man and a Brother but an Actual Dog, you cannot give Covid to Anyone, she says.

So why are you wearing a Mask? I ask the Owner..

Because I am Entering the Coffee Shop, says the Owner, so I must wear a Mask in order that I do not give Covid to anyone.

But you cannot give Covid to anyone either, I say. You have had it.

The Other People in the Coffee Shop have no way of knowing that I have had it, says the Owner.

You could wear a sign, I say. Saying that you have Had It, I say. Then you would not have Steamed Up Glasses, I say. And you would not have fallen over Caspar, I say.

Oh dear, says the Owner, I am so sorry. Through Steam it is particularly Difficult to see the Fluff. It is all as One.

I shall Ignore That, says Caspar.

If all those who have had it wore a sign then they could spend their days helping others avoid inadvertent Fluff-Tripping, I say. Would that not be a Good Thing? I say.

Allowing me to replace my Virus-Preventing Mask with a sign saying I do not need one would be a Bad Thing, says the Owner.

How could that Possibly be True? I ask. Caspar would be far less Bruised, I say.

It is a matter of Solidarity, says the Owner. If we are United by the Virus then there is a chance that we will all Pull Together, and if we are divided by the Virus there is a risk that we will not.

And does being United by the Virus require that everyone suffers Steamed Up Glasses together? I ask.

It does, says the Owner. We must establish a Norm that does not Privilege those who have had the Virus. We must establish a Norm that does not Stigmatise those who have not. Like Aragorn at the Black Gate of Mordor we must face our Common Challenge side by side.

So, I say, if those who cannot spread the Virus choose to wear a mask Solidarity is Enhanced and the World is a Safer Place?

That is correct, says the Owner.

Then I shall be needing your ebay password, I say.

Argh, says the Owner.

Categories: dignity dog dog philosophy

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.