Hello, says the New Dog.

We all rush for the Bushes.

Excuse me, says the New Dog, let me into the Bushes too. I wish to Play.

We cannot, we say. The Bushes are Full, we say.

The Bushes are not full, says the New Dog. You are being Meanies.

Hello, says the Owner.

Hello, says the New Dog.

Oh Dear, says Lucifer. It is Inveigling. Look how it is Wagging its Tail. It has No Shame.

Look out, says Caspar. It is even doing Dog Eyes. That is Beyond the Pale.

Your Owner looks Taken In, says Bercow. One would think she would be Wise to that sort of Outrage.

I should check they haven’t put Bars on your Bedroom Window, says Mogg. Before it’s too late and That Dog is on Your Cushion and you are Left in the Bush.

Excuse me, I say to the Owner. Your Moral Dog is Here. I assume you are talking to That Horrible Dog by Accident, I say.

Oh there you are, says the Owner, I thought you might like to Play with This Dog, says the Owner. Why are you all Squashed in that Bush? Asks the Owner.

We confer.

Because that Horrible Dog is trying to Play with Us, we say. It will not Go Away.

Why is this Dog Horrible? Asks the Owner.

We confer again.

We do not know why it is Horrible, we say. You would have to Ask the Dog, we say.

What Quality of this Dog do you suggest renders it Horrible? Asks the Owner.

We confer again.

It is Fluffy, says Lucifer. Look at all its Fluff. No Dog should be as Fluffy as That. It is positively Flaunting it.

Excuse me, says Caspar. Fluff is not the Problem. It is Bouncy. It is a Positive Grasshopper.

Excuse me, I say. Bouncing is Not the Problem. It is Growly, I say. It is positively Inappropriate.

Excuse Me, says Lucifer, Growliness is not the Problem. It is Disdainful. It is wearing a Positively Aristocratic Attitude.

Excuse Me, says Mogg, Aristocracy is not the Problem. It is Opinionated.

Excuse Me, says Bercow, in My Opinion it is Simply Not One of Us. And I am Always Right.

We do not have Space in the Bush, we say to the Owner, for a Dog so Out of Keeping with the Rest of Us.

Ah, says the Owner. I see.

What do you mean, Ah, I see? We say.

It is because it is a Girl Dog, says the Owner.

We do not need to Confer. It is Certainly Not because it is a Girl, we all say at Once. We are not afraid of Girls, we all say at Once. What a Ridiculous Suggestion, we all say at Once. Whatever will you come up with next, we all say at Once. We could come out of this Bush whenever we wanted to, we all say at Once. We just do not want to quite yet, we all say at Once.

Hahahahaha says the Owner.

How did she know?

Categories: dignity dog dog philosophy

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.