Why can’t Moral Dogs climb trees? I ask the Owner.

Because if they could there wouldn’t be any Squirrels, says the Owner.

Would that be a Bad Thing? I ask.

It would for Squirrels, says the Owner.

That might be true if all Dogs could climb trees, I say, as I can see that the thought of Lucifer with the nose cage in a tree has many alarming aspects, both for the Squirrels and for those Standing Underneath. On the Other Hand, I say, if Santa would just help Moral Dogs to climb trees, as opposed to Dogs whose intentions were less certain, we could befriend Squirrels in the Spirit of Christmas.

That’s true, says the Owner, you could.

They would enjoy it, I say.

Eventually, says the Owner.

All Squirrels would come to realise that the Moral Dog comes in Peace, I say.

I am sure even the Large and Vicious Squirrels would recognise that in the end, says the Owner.

There is a Pause.

I did not know that there were Large and Vicious Squirrels, I say.

I don’t think there are, says the Owner. Yet.

Are Large and Vicious Squirrels expected in the near future? I ask. I am considering rethinking my Park Walking Schedule if so. When Superdog and his Trusty and Morally Equal Companion Fluffy meet in the Shrubbery we would not like to be dropped on by Large and Vicious Squirrels.

They might be, says the Owner. It Depends.

On what? I ask. I am not thrilled by the thought of the Large and Vicious Squirrels. What if they eat necessary parts of Superdog, or even the Whole of Fluffy?

It depends, says the Owner, on whether Santa would grant the attributes of Largeness and Viciousness to any Squirrels who requested them for Christmas.

Is that likely? I ask.

As likely as him granting Tree-Climbing Abilities to the Moral Dog, she says.

I will recheck my Christmas List, I say. I think I need to make some Alterations.

Categories: christmas dignity dog dog philosophy squirrels

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.