The Owner leads me past a pair of rats with bushy tails and I chase them into a tree where they sit, looking down at me, holding their breakfast in their paws.

They are squirrels, she says. Aren’t they sweet.

Sweet.

Sweet?

It’s a rat with a bushy tail and it just stole pizza from the bin. How is it sweet?

The Owner says that it has a nice little face and a fluffy tail, and it has this really sweet way of holding food in two paws and nibbling on it like a worried little person.

This is anthropomorphism. The last time I took pizza from the bin I wasn’t sweet, I was a Bad Dog. Other Animals should not try to leap the Moral Pecking Order through cynical imitation and pretended cuteness.

Later, Caspar and I resolve that the next task for Superdog and his Faithful Sidekick will be to clear the park of this riff raff. This makes me feel much better until I see a passing elderly lady bend to ruffle Caspar’s fluff.

He’s so fluffy, she tells Caspar’s Owner. He’s so sweet.

Et tu Brute?

Categories: dog dog philosophy philosophy squirrels

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.