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July 21st. The bargain.

What is that Floating in your soup? I ask the Owner. I do not know What You Mean, says the Owner, looking shiftier than a Squirrel at a Picnic . I think you do, I say. I think it is Cheese, I say. How can you Possible know that? Asks […]

May 19th. Of Mice and Men.

What is that? I ask the Owner. It is a Humane Mousetrap, says the Owner. What are you doing with My Cheese? I ask the Owner. I am offering it to the Mouse, says the Owner, in exchange for his entering the Humane Mousetrap. Why do you want the Mouse […]

April 18th. The Dog Doctor.

Come here Hergest, says the Owner, I have something for you. I rush to her Side. I am a Moral Dog. This is what Moral Dogs do. The Pavlovian Conditioning which the Owner once employed, in those Sunny Cheese-filled days of memory, may have once had something to do with […]

February 1st. Justice.

The Owner says that I Cannot Ever have Cheese Again. But I Like Cheese, I say, and I Deserve Cheese. All Principles of Justice suggest that I should have Cheese. Not All Principles, sats the Owner. It is Unjust to deprive me of my One Pleasure, I say. The Moral […]

January 22nd. The Moon.

Caspar arrives in a great tizz. Come quickly, he says. The Moon is being stolen. We rush to the window and look outside. The Moon is indeed being Stolen. There is only a Small Piece Left. It cannot have Gone Far, I say. This is what the Owner likes to […]

January 16th. Hope.

What is the Triumph of Hope over Experience? I ask the Owner. It is what the Moral Dog feels whilst I eat my breakfast, says the Owner. It is Days since you have given me Cheese, I say. Exactly, says the Owner, the Moral Dog has proved Allergic. Does this […]

January 13th. Lurking.

Hergest, says the Owner, why are you Lurking under the Table? I am not Lurking, I say, Lurking is a behaviour usually associated with Ducks. What would you Call It then? Asks the Owner. I am merely On Duty Under the Table, I say. It looks like Lurking, says the […]

December 20th. Wrapping Up.

Oh look, the Owner says, the New Scissors have arrived and so I am going to do the Christmas Wrapping. Where are the Old Scissors? I ask. It is the First Rule of Christmas Time, says the Owner, that the Old Scissors always disappear when it is Christmas Time. One […]

November 20th. Amoral cheese.

I arrive home from dog day care after an exhausting set of activities, only to have the Owner open the fridge and declare in tones of sorrow which, I must say, sound slightly unsurprised, that we are fully out of cheese.  How can we be fully out of cheese, I […]