Why are you Whining? Asks the Owner.

Because I need a Walk, I say, I am Fading Fast.

We have Just Walked Extensively, says the Owner, and Now I have Other Things to Do.

I see, I say. In that case I am Obliged to Fade, I say. I apologise for the Whining, I say. I will try to Fade more Quietly, I say. But it is Tough, I say. As the Moral Dog breathes his Moral Last, I say, Occasional Whining Sounds may Escape, I say. Despite my Best Efforts, I say. At this Tragic Time, I say.

Could you go and Fade round the Corner? says the Owner.

Very Well, I say. Perhaps that way the Sounds of the Fading will be Less of a Distraction,. I say. Although…, I say.

Yes? says the Owner.

How will you know that I have Finished Fading when I am round the Corner, I say.

I expect I will be able to tell, says the Owner. When the Whining Stops, says the Owner.

What Other Things could be More Important than Walking with your Moral Dog to Prevent him from Fading Fast? I ask.

Do you Want a List? Says the Owner.

I do not suppose you can Name Even One Thing that the Moral Dog could agree is More Important than his Fading, I say.

I bet I can, says the Owner.

Go for it, I say. I will give you Three Goes, I say. That is All, I say. Given that the Fading is Already at an Advanced Stage, I say.

World Peace, says the Owner.

Apart from World Peace, I say. World Peace is Disqualified, I say. Bringing World Peace Into It is Cheating, I say. It is relying on the Moral Dog’s Moral Nature, I say. Making him Complicit in his Own Fading, I say. You are Forcing him to Fall on his Sword, I say. You have to come up with something Better than That, I say. Otherwise the Moral Guilt will Overwhelm you, I say. Name One thing that the Moral Dog could agree is More Important than the Fading of the Moral Dog Apart from World Peace, I say. You have Lost, I say. Let us go now, I say.

Saving the Planet, says the Owner.

Apart from Saving the Planet, I say. You are Doing It Again, I say. Bringing Saving the Planet Into It is Cheating, I say. Playing with the Moral Dog does not prevent you from Saving the Planet, I say. You can bring your Litter Picker to the Park, I say. We can Save the Planet Together, I say. You can wear your Dungarees and your Johnny Depp Specs again, I say. People will Put You on Instagram with Emojis Indicating Hysteria, I say. But I am prepared to be Seen with a Weirdie for the Sake of a Walk, I say. Quick whilst there is Still Time, I say. On with the Dungarees, I say. I promise not to make my John Boy Joke, I say. Cue the Waltons, I say. Hahaha, I say. You have Lost, I say. Let us go now, I say.

Not so fast, says the Owner. I have Another Go, says the Owner.

You are All Out of Steam, I say. You might as well give up Now, I say. You have Shot your Final Bolt, I say. I have your Johnny Depp Specs at the Ready, I say.

Earning Money to Buy Cheese, says the Owner.

What? I say. You need Money to Buy Cheese? I ask.

Of Course I do, says the Owner. It does not grow on Ocado Trees, says the Owner.

Seriously? I say. This is news to the Moral Dog, who had assumed the Ocado Man spent his Weekends tending the Cheese Trees Overlooking the Lolly Fields.

Seriously, says the Owner. But I suppose we could Forego the Cheese. Hand me the Johnny Depp Specs.

I suppose I could Pine more Slowly, I say.

No, says the Owner, the Urge for Dungarees is upon me.

Or I could Not Pine At All, I say.

I would not want to put the Moral Dog to Any Trouble, says the Owner.

I do not Want a Walk, I say, Leave me Alone, I say. Go and Work, I say. Earn Cheese, I say.

Where are my Johnny Depp Specs? I ask the Owner.

I cannot Recall, I say. It may take me hours to Find Them, I say. I will Start Looking Now, I say. It will Prevent the fading, I say, Whilst you Work, I say.

Very well, says the Owner. If the Moral Dog Insists then I will, of course, Work.

Thankyou, I say.

The Moral Dog gets a sense that he has Been Had.

Categories: dignity dog dog philosophy

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.