I want to go for a Walk, I say.
We will go for a Walk, says the Owner, when I have finished on my Exercise Bike.
Why are you on your Exercise Bike? I ask.
I am Getting Fitter, says the Owner.
What for? I ask.
One Never Knows when Fitness is Required, says the Owner.
It is Required Now, I say. In the Park, I say. For a Walk, I say.
We might be Chased by a Tiger in the Park, says the Owner. If I exercise I will be Better able to Escape, says the Owner.
You said there were no Tigers in the Park, I say.
I did not say that we Would be Chased by a Tiger in the Park, says the Owner. I only said we Might be Chased by a Tiger in the Park.
You could not Outrun a Tiger, I say.
I do not need to, says the Owner. I only need to Outrun another Person who cannot Outrun a Tiger, says the Owner. Hahaha, says the Owner.
That is Not Funny, I say. The Other Person may be a Poor Old Lady, I say. Or your Mum, I say.
It was a Joke, says the Owner. Exercise is a Reason in Itself, says the Owner. Aristotle believed that Striving for Perfection in Body and Mind allowed one to Develop as a Person, says the Owner.
I do not see how running away from a Tiger and leaving Others to be Eaten can be Considered Perfection in Body and Mind, I say. Frankly, you should be Ashamed of Yourself, I say. And Your Poor Mum, I say. What sort of a Daughter are You? I say. What is she doing in the park anyway? I say. Have you not even Offered Her a Cup of Tea? I say.
My Mum is not in the Park, says the Owner. She is at Home, says the Owner. I expect she has a Cup of Tea Already, says the Owner.
So it is just a Poor Old Lady that you Don’t Even Know who is to be Abandoned to the Tiger, I say. I might have Known, I say. Your Poor Mum was just a Decoy, I say. Your Mind is Positively Warped, I say. It is Probably All the Exercise, I say. I expect when the Poor Old Lady is enduring her Final Chewing you will be able to Take Some Comfort from your Perfection of Mind and Body, I say. Exercise Away, I say. Enjoy your Perfection, I say. Aristotle would no doubt be thrilled, I say.
Look, says the Owner, there is no Tiger in the Park, says the Owner.
It’s a bit late for making Those Sort of Claims, I say, now that I have Understood why you are on the Exercise Bike, I say, rather than in the Park, I say.
I give up, says the Owner. Come on then, let us Go.
That is Excellent news, I say. I am sure Poor Old Ladies Everywhere will be delighted to hear it, I say. Your Mum will be Delighted too, I say.
The Moral Dog is Unbelievable, says the Owner.
Thankyou, I say Modestly.
The Moral Dog. Saving Poor Old Ladies from Tigers on a Daily Basis.
Hergest the Hound
I am a dog of many thoughts.