I do not want to walk that way, I say to the Owner.
Why not? Asks the Owner, we always walk that way.
There is a Telephone Mast there, I say. I heard it might give me Covid virus.
A Telephone Mast cannot give you a Virus, says the Owner. A Virus is a Physical Entity. It travels in Snot, not in High Frequency Radio Waves.
I am hedging my Bets, I say. If I can avoid both Snot and 5G masts I will do Both.
And what if you heard that Headless Zombies came through cracks in the Pavement? Asks the Owner. Would you also avoid those?
Oh Good Lord, I say, leaping heroically.
Never do that Again, says the Owner, after she has got out of the Gutter.
I was being Cautious, I say. I look at the cracks in the Pavement. They seem to me rather bigger than before.
You were nearly Squashed by a Plumber, says the Owner, which is a perfect Example of why Believing Rubbish is Harmful in the End. Zombies are not in Cracks in the Pavement. And Covid is not in the High Frequency Waves which Transmit 5G Data. It is in Snot.
It might be Surfing on the Waves, I say, it might have run very very fast along the Wires from China and be Jumping down from the Tower right now.
Or, says the Owner, it might be where Science has already found it to be. In Snot.
It is a Very Big Mast, I say. A Virus could Jump a Long Way.
Not from China, says the Owner.
It sends images through the air, I say, why not Viruses?
Because images travel as Data, and Data has no Snot in it, says the Owner.
How do you know? I ask.
Because, says the Owner, I spent six years of medical school learning about Snot. I am a Snot Expert and, believe it or not, Experts can be trusted because they are Experts. And I can tell you there is no Snot in the Mast and there are no Headless Zombies in the Pavement.
It is not possible to know Everything, I say.
No, says the Owner, but it is possible to know Nothing.
The Lady in the Park who says the Virus comes from the Radio Mast says her Aunt walked past it last month and now she has a Cough, I say.
That is almost certainly a Lady who knows nothing , says the Owner.
You said there were no Headless Zombies in the Cemetery, I say, but I heard them creeping.
You did not hear Anything, says the Owner.
Exactly, I say, they were Creeping.
You heard Silence, says the Owner, and Imagined your Own Explanation. In the same way those who cannot Understand Science Imagine their Own Explanation for Covid. There are no Headless Zombies in the Cracks in the Pavement. There is no Covid in the 5G mast. Take this as Fact from a Snot Expert.
I believe the Owner, since I recognise that she must indeed be a Snot Expert, if she studied it for Six years. I would have thought Six Minutes would be enough. Who would invent such an idea abut 5G, I ask, if it is not true?
Such claims begin in a Small Way with the kind of People that always claim that everything is a Conspiracy, says the Owner. Amongst such Persons the idea that Technology is designed to Interfere with them is particularly Popular. They are prone to make such Claims. They do not believe in Science and Evidence but in Hysteria and Superstition.
Surely Nobody would make Unfounded Claims about something as Serious as Covid, I say.
I have only two words to say in response to that, says the Owner.
Is one of them Donald? I ask.
It might be, says the Owner.
But why would so many others believe such Claims? I ask.
It is the Meerkat effect, says the Owner. People become hypervigilant during periods of uncertainty and fear. They look about like Meerkats and see danger everywhere.
Even if they are looking around and seeing danger everywhere, I say, it does not explain why they see it where it is not. Surely even Meerkats can see that the Danger from the Covid is in the Snot when the Experts say so?
That should be true, says the Owner, but the Idea that Covid is being caused by 5G has been massively Amplified by Disinformation Campaigning on the Internet. So it looks to the nervous Meerkats as if a great many Other Meerkats believe it. More, even, than believe the Experts who say it is in the Snot.
What is Disinformation Campaigning? I ask, is that like the time when I did not remember eating the Cheese and I accidentally told you it must have been a Badger?
It is a little like that, says the Owner. But there are tens of thousands of fake accounts on Social Media promoting the idea that 5G is causing Covid. They Proliferate and become so widespread that Real People also promote and believe them because they think that Many Many others do. Imagine if tens of thousands of Moral Dogs had all insisted that a Badger had climbed up the Drainpipe, opened the Fridge and Eaten the Cheese. I might have been tempted not to guess that the Cheese had in fact Accidentally and Unaccountably Fallen Inside the Moral Dog as he Slept.
Who would want to Promote the idea of such a thing? I ask, as I would like to stay on the subject of Covid and am not keen to discuss the Cheese.
Someone who wants us to fail as a Community, says the Owner.
What do you mean? I ask. How could worrying about 5G make us Fail? I ask.
Because if we Turn our Backs on the things that Help us, says the Owner, we are Weakened. If we identify the Wrong Dangers to Battle then we are More Endangered. If we attack Technologies that keep us safe, we are More Vulnerable. If we listen to Lies then we lose sight of the Truth. We must follow Science, and Reason and Rationality to defeat this thing, not return to Dark Ages of Superstition, finger pointing and Mindless Attack.
Gosh, I say. Surely, I say, you should employ equal numbers of Infobots and Fake Accounts to tell People and Meerkats about the Snot.
Science, says the Owner, must rely on truth, not belief, it cannot demean itself with infobot Manipulation. If every science book in the world was torn up and we started again discovering science, we would still find the same science. Moreover Meerkats are also subject to the Ostrich effect. This is when Information that does not fit the Chosen Narrative it is ignored. So those who believe in Harmful Radio waves no longer Trust Science. They have had enough of Experts.
I am quite Exhausted with all these Foolish Animals, I say. Can we go home?
Did you want to go back a different way? Asks the Owner.
No, I say, this way is fine. I am Proud to walk past the Snot-free 5G mast on which we all Depend. I recognise your expertise in Matters of Snot. I am a Moral Dog Humbled by Science and Expertise in Matters in Which you are Trained. I will never again suggest such Ridiculous Nonsense.
That is Excellent News, says the Owner, but you do not seem to be moving.
That is because I am Not Humbled by your Expertise regarding Matters in which you are Not Trained, I say You cannot imagine I am going to walk on those Cracks in the Pavement, I say.
What happened? Asks the Man when we get home.
Nothing, says the Owner.
But I saw you through the Window, says the Man, carrying the Moral Dog.
I might have done, says the Owner.
You’ve been telling him about the Zombies in the Pavement, haven’t you? Asks the Man.
Shush, says the Owner.
I knew it.
Hergest the Hound
I am a dog of many thoughts.