I have a Sore Eye. We go to see the Vet and I am very wriggly and cross, because I do not like having a Sore Eye. The Vet shows the Owner diagrams of eye then says I need drops. The Vet then shows the Owner some Other Diagrams and inquires about whether I will be keeping some of my other Attached Parts. Such wriggliness and crossness can, he says, relate to these Parts.
The Owner tells the Vet that for now the Eye Drops will be sufficient. The Moral Dog will, for now, remain One Single but Wriggly and Cross Moral Dog with a Sore Eye as opposed to a Collection of Components. The Parts are not On the Table today, she says.
The Vet says we can put the Parts On the Table any time. Not everything can be blamed on a Sore Eye, he says.
I do not understand, I say to the Owner on the way home, why during negotiations about my Sore Eye, the Vet imagined my Parts were On the Table.
The Vet does not wish to Miss an Opportunity to Discuss your General Health, says the Owner. That is why we went to him with your Sore Eye. I was shown Diagrams.
I say I do not see how my General Health could possibly be enhanced by Lobbing bits off me. The Moral Dog is not Subdividable into Portions. Nor do I see why my Sore Eye gives the Vet Carte Blanche to suggest that I can be Dismantled.
The Vet is Acting in Your Best Interests, says the Owner. Sometimes he feels this means consideration of the Role of Certain Parts in the Greater Good of the Moral Dog. He suggests Such Parts are often responsible for Misdemeanours.
The Vet has some odd ideas, I say. And some very odd Diagrams, I say.
Later, in the Coffee shop, a Lady Poodle arrives who smells Unaccountably Interesting. Several of us attempt to say Hello. The Poodle’s Owner objects te the Developing Friendship between the Poodle and the Moral Dog. The situation swiftly degenerates into Recriminations and Spilled Coffee. We go home.
This is what the Vet meant, says the Owner. The Moral Dog is becoming a Slave to his Parts. If he does that again we may be banned from the Coffee Shop, and then where would we be?
I do not say we would then be Outside the Coffee Shop as I get the feeling the Owner is Speaking Metaphorically. I cannot imagine what you are talking about, I say. The Moral Dog’s Parts have no Bearing on his Chivalrous Defence of a Lady. I was simply trying to say hello in a Novel Manner. It just came to me.
It was a Very Odd Way of saying Hello, says the Owner. It suggested that the Moral Dog had Lost All Sense of Propriety and Personal Space and Did not Care if he got another ASBO. The Vet seems to think this relates to the Parts.
It could equally relate to the Sore Eye, I say. I could not see what I was doing.
The Vet says not everything can be blamed on a Sore Eye, says the Owner.
You explain to me then, I say, how the Parts of the Moral Dog with a Sore Eye could possibly affect the way he says Hello. With diagrams, I say.
There is an awkward pause. Then the Owner says no, Hergest, you are right, I cannot. Eye drops?
That’ll do nicely, I say.
Hergest the Hound
I am a dog of many thoughts.