The Owner is putting cream on her face.

Why are you doing that? I ask.

If I do not do it, says the Owner, my Face will Wrinkle.

How do you know that it will work? I ask.

Because it is Expensive, says the Owner. It would not be Expensive if it Did Not Work.

That makes no sense at all, I say. It may be just a Tub of Lard.

Nevertheless, says the Owner, think how Wrinkled I would be if I did not use it.

It is not possible to imagine such a thing, I say. This is because there has been no Controlled Trial. You could only know that for sure if, for all these years, you had used it on one side of your face only. The Moral Dog is logical at all times, other than sometimes slightly not in the Presence of Cheese.

The Cream has been tested already, says the Owner. All Beauty Products are extensively tested.

Where are the people on whom it was tested? I ask. Are they Particularly Smooth?

I don’t think so, says the Owner, sounding Cagey.

Why is that? I ask.

I think they used to test such Creams on Animals, says the Owner, Sounding even more Cagey.

Which Animals? I ask.

I am afraid, says the Owner, sounding as Cagey as a Cage they may have done such Testing on Dogs.

That does seem Outrageous, I say, given that Moral Dogs are not known for our Wrinkles.

That is true, says the Owner.

And particularly pointless, I add, given our Facial Hair.

That is true, says the Owner. That is probably why they stopped doing it.

Although, I say, that probably explains bloodhounds. Bloodhounds should probably have carried on.

Indeed, says the Owner.

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Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.