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November 26th. Batdog.

There is a sound in the Park, the sound you hear when Angry Humans are finding fault with Amoral Dogs. Caspar and I divert from the path to skulk in the bushes, as experience has shown that, occasionally, blame for such disturbances is misattributed to Moral Dogs. A number of friendly and helpful acts of Moral Dogs have been misinterpreted, such as Saying Hello Bouncily, Soaking the Elderly and Joining In Energetically (particularly with Yoga and Meditation). Even though we can both do an excellent Downward Dog, and can meditate even whilst running away.

To our surprise we meet a pug in the bushes wearing a ballet tutu and dragging a Small Human’s anorak. The Small Human we should add, for clarity, is also still inside the anorak, although it does not seem to mind.

Suspecting that the pug and its attached Small Human may be the root cause of the shouting I realise this is a job for Superdog and his Trusty Sidekick, Fluffy, even though we have not brought our Superhero capes. Caspar suggests we use our hostage negotiation skills to Save the Day, so we attempt to establish a Line of Communication and Display Empathy.

We ask the pug its name.

I am Batdog, says the pug, and this is my trusty sidekick, Giggly.

I can see that says Caspar, displaying Empathy and Communication. You make a remarkable Batdog, but does the Small Human know that she is your trusty sidekick, Giggly? Or does she, in fact, think that she is playing hide and seek?

She may think she is playing Hide and Seek, says Batdog, but sometimes the ends justify the means and she is wearing the Batcape so I needed her to come.

That is not the Batcape, says Caspar, that is a pink anorak with pictures of unicorns. And you are wearing a frock.

Oh really, says the pug, and what would you know about Batdog, Fluffy?

It is clear that Batdog does not know who he is dealing with. Caspar rises above the insult nobly, and I feel inwardly ashamed at the time when I equated fluff with the absence of Moral Fibre. I, says Caspar, understand only too well about Superheroes. You are in the presence of Superdog and his faithful sidekick, Spotty.

My jaw drops to the ground. Hang on a minute, I say. I thought I was Superdog and you were my trusty sidekick, Fluffy.

Jeremy the Beagle says we can all be Superdog if we want to, says Caspar.

You can’t be Superdog says Batdog, pulling hard on the pink anorak. You haven’t got a cape. Giggly shrieks with laughter and lands on her bottom. The sounds of Angry Humans come closer.

Caspar shakes his fluff. Jeremy says Fluffy should not be oppressed, he says. Anyway, he adds, if you can be Batdog in a tutu then I can be Superdog without a cape.

Good point, says Batdog, well made.

This is ridiculous, I say, there’s only one Superdog. I’m Superdog.

I’m Spartacus, says Batdog, and falls over giggling.

Fortunately, at this point, the Owner of the Small Human arrives and Batdog is attached to a pink sparkly lead and taken away.

I realise Caspar is right. I have Made Assumptions about who should be Superdog. I have been Fluffist. I must Make Amends for the sake of Equality.

We could take it in turns to wear the cape, I say, as Batdog is marched from the park. Superdog would not want to oppress Fluffy.

Caspar looks thoughtful. Perhaps, he says, we do not need to take turns. Given that we were quite effective Superheroes during the recent crisis even without the Cape, it seems apparent that Superdog could function equally well, say, in a tutu.

This is true, I say. Being Superdog isn’t in the Cape, it is in the Soul. I am not sure that I would look good in a tutu but now does not seem to be the time to say so.

Caspar says with Wisdom like that Superdog can reject all the capitalist trappings of the bourgeois. There is no need for a cape or even a tutu. Although a tutu might be nice on special occasions.

I agree. Superdog has moved on and no longer needs a cape to validate him. A tutu would be equally superfluous. His Inner Moral Being would fully suffice.

We head back through the Park, two Superdogs, side by side. Superdog and Superdog, prepared to save the world. Superdog and Superdog, the lone superheroes who rescue Small Humans from Kidnap and offer Sound Moral Advice to Batdog. Two Superdogs who…

It doesn’t sound quite right, does it? Says Caspar.

I agree. I could be Spotty, I say, and you could be Superdog, I add nobly. And we could wear the cape now and again. So that it does not go to waste.

Caspar agrees the cape must not go to waste, although he might do without it since it is a bit long which might rather spoil the effect. Let’s face it, he adds, wearing a tutu instead may also not Inspire Confidence in Those In Danger. Besides, he liked being Fluffy before Jeremy said he was oppressed. He is, he says, rather proud of his fluff. It takes a lot of work to maintain fluff like this.

I understand absolutely. I have learned a new respect for Caspar’s fluff. It is Moral Fluff, and one would not want to fail to acknowledge it. And the Confidence of Those In Danger seems to me an excellent reason for not wearing a tutu. There is another solution, I say. Since all Moral Dogs are equal in fundamental worth or moral status, it stands to reason that Superdog and his Morally and Professionally Equal Companion, Fluffy, will patrol the park from now on.

Perfect, says Caspar. As long as we don’t tell Jeremy.

Done, I say.

Is there no limit to the Wisdom of the Moral Dog?

Categories: dignity dog dog philosophy

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Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.

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