Where have you been? Asks the Owner. Nowhere, I say. You appear to have been in the Woods, says the Owner. And the Park, she says. And the Bluebells, she says. I might have been, I say. I will have to check my Diary, I say. Then I will Make […]
There is a New Dog in the Park. I have never seen anything like it. That Dog is Weird, I say. It has spotty parts and plain parts and floppy ears, and its tail is a different colour to the rest of it, I say. It is a canine Jackson […]
I am wondering whether perhaps I could have a Lolly for breakfast, I say. No, says the Owner. Why not? I ask. Those are the Rules, says the Owner. One can be too Pedantic about Rules, I say. I think you are thinking of Guidance, says the Owner. Whether or […]
So, I say, they come to the UK to work in Our NHS, I say. Surely this is an Uncommon Privilege, I say. You are always saying it is a Privilege to be a Doctor, I say. Why should they not pay for such a Privilege? I ask. It is […]
It is a very hot day. In the Morning the Owner and the Moral Dog go to the Park. The Owner throws the Ball multiple times and the Moral Dog pursues it, over Hill and Dale. The more the Owner throws the ball, the more the Moral Dog retrieves it. […]
Hergest, look who is here! Says the Owner in the kind of excited tone that the Moral Dog might expect if Caspar, Houdini and Lucifer had all come to the front door at the same time carrying a large piece of Cheese, wishing to inform me that Mogg was stuck […]
It is the Owner’s Birthday today and we are walking in the Park. It does not seem to be a Celebratory Walk. Where are the Balloons? I ask. There are no Balloons, says the Owner mournfully. Then Happy Birthday! I say with the kind of Exuberance and Generosity that the […]
What is that? I ask the Owner. It is a Humane Mousetrap, says the Owner. What are you doing with My Cheese? I ask the Owner. I am offering it to the Mouse, says the Owner, in exchange for his entering the Humane Mousetrap. Why do you want the Mouse […]
It is not fair, I say to the Owner, to call me a Bad Dog because I Barked at the Angry Parent. I am a Dog. It is a Species Norm for me to Bark. A Moral Dog cannot be Good or Bad in such matters, he can only be […]
The Owner is standing on One Leg with both arms in the air and the other leg crossed over her knee. Her bottom is protruding in a Westerly direction to the extent that someone less wise than the Moral Dog might suggest it looked Big like that, and she is […]
The Foxes come to be fed every day. Their level of Entitlement is flabbergasting. They look at me as if the Owner is some sort of Shared Resource and eat my Bedtimes Biscuits without so much as an Acknowledgement by Whose they Really Are. They are Making Assumptions. It should […]
Hergest, says the Owner, you are a Total Pain, you are constantly walking in front of me and tripping me up. On the contrary, I say, it is you who is a total Pain, you are constantly following me around and falling over me. That is ridiculous, says the Owner. […]
There is talk amongst the Dogs in the Park that the Coffee Shop may soon reopen, I say. Indeed, says the Owner, let us go there as soon as I have made my Face Mask. Seriously? I say. Just for a coffee? I say. Seriously, says the Owner. The Moral […]
So now can we go to the Seaside? I ask. No, says the Owner. Not even for Exercise? I ask. No, says the Owner. If one goes for Exercise the length of the Journey should not be greater than the length of the Exercise. I am prepared to exercise all […]
I knew it, says the Owner. You knew what? I ask. You know what I knew, says the Owner. The Moral Dog is not a Mindreader, I say. If I knew what you knew then I would know what it is that you knew. The Moral Dog should just admit […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 