Hergest, says the Owner, why are you sleeping there? Because the Owner, in her Wisdom, has seen fit to banish me from the Bed, I say. What is wrong with your Cushion? Asks the Owner. There is nothing wrong with my Cushion, I say. It is a Perfect Cushion, even […]
Hergest, get off me, says the Owner. Why can I not sit on the Front Seat? I ask. Because I am on it, says the Owner. In what sense can you possibly mean such a statement? I ask. In the sense that I do not want you On It with […]
The Owner is having a meeting on Zoom. Why can I not meet my friends on Zoom? I ask. Because you are a Dog, says the Owner. I do not see why Dogs should not meet on Zoom, I say. It is not that they cannot, it is that Zoom […]
I cannot believe you made me watch that, I say. It is a Classic Film, says the Owner. There are things which, once Known, can never be Unknown, I say. Indeed, says the Owner, the Fact that almost half of America voted for Donald Trump and would do so again […]
That is not your Ball, says the Owner. I found it, I say. We agreed that if I found a ball then it was mine. The Moral Dog did not find that Ball, says the Owner, he stole it. That is an Oxymoron, I say. No Moral Dog would steal […]
Where is mine? I ask. You will receive yours, says the Owner, when I have nearly finished mine. That is outrageous, I say. Am I a second class citizen in my own home? Am I demeaned to the status of Servant by my own Butler? I am not your Butler, […]
Why are you looking so Melancholy? I ask. I am missing the Coffee Shop, says the Owner. It has not gone anywhere, I say, it is still there. We can go and see it. I think you will find that through the Park is the quickest route. It is not […]
It is difficult, being a Superhero during lockdown. The Close Personal Attention of the Superhero Hound seems less than Welcome. Bouncing is Misinterpreted. Slobber is suspect. People appear not to want to be saved. So when the Owner offers a Viewing of a Superhero Film I am secretly thrilled and […]
Look, say the Owner, out of the Window. Do you not see the beauty of Highgate Wood? It is too lovely, I sob, I cannot bear to leave it. But we have only just got here, says the Owner. That means we will soon be going, I hiccup. You need […]
You should not complain about the Prime Minister, I say. My Friend says he is doing a Good Job. Who is your friend? Asks the Owner. He is called Make Britannia Great Again, I say. Nobody is called that, says the Owner. I have him on my Twitter account, I […]
That was not a Walk, I say. It met every definition of a Walk of which I am aware, says the Owner. It was not as long as our Usual Walk, I say. So then it was a Shorter Walk, says the Owner. You will note, she adds, my descriptive […]
We look at the Duck. The Duck looks back. You could apologise, says the Owner. I do not see why, I say. It hissed at me, I say, and it Flapped. It would not be Moral to Apologise. It might be Pragmatic to Apologise, says the Owner, given that it […]
We return from Highgate Wood with the Owner in a grump. She has been writing on the Sign again, the one she says is a Wrongful Assault on Freedom, and she is muttering about Civil Liberties. Lady Justice Hale would not Put Up with It, she says. Freedoms must not […]
Hergest, says the Owner, opening a drawer and extracting a glass, why are you inveigling yourself into my personal space? I am Standing Guard, I say. Could you not Stand Guard a few inches further away? Asks the Owner, opening the Fridge, six inches would be marvellous, even three inches […]
Hergest, says the Owner, would you stop trying to get into the Freezer. I will try to stop, I say. That is not the same as stopping, says the Owner. The Moral Dog can only ever try, I say. What are you hoping for? Asks the Owner. A Lolly, I […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 