Can we go to the Moon? I ask.

No, says the Owner.

From the Moral Dog’s Perspective that seems a Little Harsh, I say.

From the Owner’s Perspective it is Perfectly Reasonable, says the Owner.

I suppose Gromit’s trip to the Moon was a Special Treat, I say. Or perhaps he was particularly Loved, I say. Or perhaps the Moon is Not All that it is Cracked Up to Be when you Get There, I say. Although, I say, that is a Judgement I am not Qualified to Make, I say. Having not been there, I say. To check, I say. And Taste It, I say.

I do not have a Rocket, says the Owner.

Wallace Built One for Gromit, I say. In his Garage, I say. From Left Over Dustbins I say.

No, he did not, says the Owner. Wallace and Gromit were made of Plasticine, says the Owner.

They All Looked Real enough to me, I say.

That is also a Matter of Perspective, says the Owner.

Fine, I say. Okay, I say. If that is your Perspective I suppose I have to Accept It, I say.

Stop Doing That, says the Owner.

I am not Doing Anything, I say.

You are Not Accepting It with your Eyebrows, says the Owner. You are doing Gromit Eyebrows, says the Owner.

These are my Normal Eyebrows, I say. I cannot Help It if they behave Grommitishly upon being denied a Trip to the Moon, I say. We Dogs cannot Control our Eyebrows, I say. They Evolved to Speak from our Souls, I say. It is Perfectly Normal from a Dog Perspective, I say. Particularly given the safety of Modern Rockets and the Availability of Spare Dustbins, I say.

It is Perfectly Irritating from an Owner’s Perspective, says the Owner, particularly an Owner who Does Not Have a Rocket, says the Owner.

It cannot be Far, I say. It looks Extremely Close, I say.

On the Contrary, says the Owner, it is an Extremely Long Way away, says the Owner. It just looks close because it is Big, says the Owner. Sometimes things that are Far Away look Close because they are Big. And Sometimes things that are Big look Small because they are Far Away. This is also a Matter of Perspective, says the Owner.

Caspar will be Thrilled, I say. He has always Assumed he was Small, I say. He will be delighted to know that he may simply be Far Away, I say.

Unfortunately, says the Owner. Caspar is in Fact Extremely Close, says the Owner.

Good grief, I say, then He may be even Smaller than we thought, I say. Perspective is Positively devious, I say.

Indeed, says the Owner, Perspective never works the way you Hope.

Categories: dignity dog dog philosophy

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.