The Owner throws the ball. I pursue the Ball. She throws. I pursue. She throws. I pursue. I am seized by the Thrill of the Chase. My Prey Drive comes to the Fore. All thoughts of the cares of the Day leave me! This is what the Moral Dog is made for! It is exhilarating! It is fascinating! It is captivating! It is…

… Embarrassing.

That is an Amoral Ball, I tell the Owner. A Moral Ball would not behave like that. That Dachshund was laughing at me.

It hit a Tree, says the Owner, and Bounced in a Different Direction. That is why the Moral Dog overshot in his Pursuit.

Exactly, I say, the Moral Dog was sent off on a Wild Goose Chase whist the Ball behaved Deviously and Sneaked back the Way it had Come.

That is part of the Fun of Chasing the Ball, says the Owner. Was it not fun Chasing the Ball?

Games are Only Fun if one plays by the Rules, I say. That is why you Shouted at the Referee when the Men were playing Rugby.

That was different, says the Owner. I felt the Referee had Misapplied the Rules and the Man should not have been Sent Off. I was not arguing with the Rules but with the Interpretation of the Rules.

You also Accused the Prime Minister of not Playing by the Rules, I say. You shouted at the Radio when the Prime Minister said he would change the Law so that he could take Political Control of the Health Service.

I was not shouting because he was not playing by the Rules, says the Owner, I was shouting because he was Changing the Rules. The Health Service Exists for the Good of the People, and should not be Political. The Prime Minister exists for the Good of the Prime Minister. There is an Obvious Conflict. Their Needs often lie in Different Directions.

Exactly, I say. It is the same with myself and the Amoral Ball. If you throw the Ball to the right it should not change its mind halfway and go to the left. It should Play by the Rules. It is not there to have Fun By Itself.

The Ball is not Amoral, says the Owner, it does not have Free Will in these matters. It is subject to the Newton’s Laws.

You mean the Ball is Oppressed? I say.

Not really, says the Owner. Some Laws are Good Laws.

Not all Laws are Good Laws, I say. Your views on the Prime Minister repeatedly make this Clear.

Newton’s Laws are not like those of the Prime Minister, says the Owner. Newton’s First Law says that an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by a force. The Ball which I threw to the right struck a tree, so it was Acted Upon by a Force which ensured that it bounced to the left. We all have to Obey Newton’s Laws. There is no choice. Even the Prime Minister has to Obey them.

I do not like the Sound of this Newton, I say. Notwithstanding that it is good the the Prime Minister is obliged to obey Something, Newton’s approach appears to resemble Totalitarianism. With how many Other Laws is he Oppressing The Moral Dog and his Ball?

Well, says the Owner, Newton’s Second Law says that the vector sum of the forces on an object is equal to the mass of that object multiplied by its acceleration.

I like this Newton less and less, I say, he makes Laws I do not even understand. I think I may launch a Revolution. You must help me make Placards and Organise a March. Where will I find this Newton anyway?

I believe he was often to be found sitting under a tree, says the Owner.

I might have known it, I say. No wonder he is diverting Moral Balls from Trees. Doubtless he wishes to Remain Undisturbed whilst contemplating other Ridiculous and Incomprehensible Laws he Wishes to Make for his Own Delight. He is Just like the Prime Minister.

Indeed, says the Owner, although it may be Tricky to challenge Newton’s Laws. The man himself is Somewhat Deceased, and his Laws are so Sensible that we have Rather come to rely on them.

Such as what? I ask. I am not inclined to hear good of Newton, I say. Nothing good comes of Totalitarianism, I say.

Well, says the Owner. We could in theory thank Newton’s Laws for the fact that, when you put the Ball down in your bed, it does not Run Away.

Well I suppose that sounds reasonable, I say. I will grant Newton that one.

And, says the Owner, we could thank Newton for the fact that when I throw the Ball it does not Escape into Space.

Indeed, I say, we could lose a lot of Balls that way. I suppose Newton has his moments.

And, says the Owner, it is thanks to Newton that the Moral Dog is not a Weightless Blob currently drifting through a Dark and Empty Universe, but attached to a Wonderful Green Planet to which, at the same time, are attached Caspar, Houdini and Cheese.

When you put it like that, I say, I am beginning to see Newton in a Different Light. Perhaps, I say, we could write to him. I am formulating a new version of his First Law featuring some amendments regarding Trees and Moral Dogs.

That sounds Excellent, says the Owner.

Think nothing of it, I say Modestly. The Moral Dog, Available for Amendment Suggestions on all Laws of Physics, Newton a Particular Speciality.

Categories: dignity dog dog philosophy Newton

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.