You would not like the Film, says the Owner. It is very Creepy.

I do not know how you can say I would not like the Film when I have not seen it, I say.

You have to Trust me on this, says the Owner. It is Too Scary for the Moral Dog.

That is Rather Paternalistic of You, I say to the Owner. Who are you to Judge that the Moral Dog will be Scared of a Mere Film?

I am the person to Judge that held your Paw all night after we watched the Magic Roundabout on Youtube, says the Owner.

That was Different, I say. The Dog was Possessed, I say. He had staring eyes and a Very Strange manner of Locomotion. And the Cow was on Drugs and Made no Sense. I did not Like it.

If you are worried by a Cow on Drugs, says the Owner, you really will not like the Birds.

You are Being Ridiculous, I say. The Moral Dog is not scared of Birds, I say. What can Birds Possibly do to anyone?

They can Peck, says the Owner. And Gather Sinisterly.

That is Ridiculous, I say. Birds Cannot Gather Sinisterly. And worrying about being Pecked by Birds is like worrying about being Licked by Hamsters.

I would be worried about that too if there were Hundreds of Hamsters all gathered in the Attic Determined to Lick Me all at Once, says the Owner.

I am not Scared of Sinister Hamsters, I say, and you have a Weird Imagination. I am Not Scared of Sinister Birds.

You would be scared of These Birds, says the Owner. They act with Group Malevolence and Gather on Telephone Wires.

Your Imagination has Run Away with you, I say. Honestly, I say, how bad can a Film about Malevolent Birds Possibly be?

Later I sleep on the bed, between the Owner and the Man. I am right down under the Covers. It is the Only way to be Properly Safe when the Birds Drill with their Sinister Beaks right through the Ceiling.

Categories: birds dignity dog dog philosophy

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.