No Hergest, says the Owner as we walk through the Park, I am not Throwing the Stick in the Dark.

But You Always Throw the Stick I say, albeit in a mumbling fashion (as I am Holding a Stick.)

I did not understand that, says the Owner.

I put the stick on the ground in front of her. That is because you have not Thrown the Stick, I say.

Not This Time, says the Owner. I will Throw a Stick Later, when it is Light.

But I want you to throw This Stick, I say.

Then hold onto the Stick, says the Owner, and I will Throw it Later.

If I hold onto the Stick, I say, I will not be able to Argue Effectively.

Oh Dear, says the Owner. How Terrible.

I feel I detect a shading of Sarcasm to her Words. What sort of Owner, I ask, Refuses to Throw a Stick for her Moral Dog?

One, says the Owner, who realises there is little point in Throwing the Stick if you Cannot See Where It Lands. If I throw it you will Lose It.

Speak for Yourself, I say. I am an Ancestral Dog whose Nose Evolved in Parallel with Stick-Throwing Humans. It involves 300 million nasal olfactory receptors, a Smell-dedicated Vomeronasal Organ, binostrilar three dimensional smell vision, and an area of my brain dedicated to interpreting these which is about 40 times larger than yours. My Ability to Track is such that I can detect a single molecule of rabbit in a force nine gale, locate an injured mountaineer on acres of snow-blasted mountainside and identify the presence of cheese in a locked fridge from Three Floors Down. In the face of such Clear Scientific Evidence it is Positively Iniquitous to suggest that I might Lose the Stick.

That may be all be True, says the Owner, but I am an Ancestral Human whose Common Sense Evolved in Parallel with the Nose of the Moral Dog. I have 300 million Common Sense receptors, a Scepticism-dedicated Uncertainty Organ, binocular Three-Dimensional Hot Air detection and an Area of My Brain dedicated to saying No to the Moral Dog which is about a Thousand times larger than yours. My Ability to Remember What Happened Yesterday is such that it is Positively Pointless to Argue Further.

What happened yesterday? I ask.

You lost the stick, says the Owner.

Sometimes the Owner is Irritatingly Logical.

Categories: dignity dog dog philosophy stick vomeronasal organ

Hergest the Hound

I am a dog of many thoughts.