That was Conduct Unbecoming for the Moral Dog, says the Owner, paying for the Replacement Coffee
The Lady invited me to say Hello, I say.
I know she did, says the Owner. But that was not Saying Hello. Hello does not have nearly as much Slobber in it.
It does in Dog, I say.
Can I have Extra Chocolate on it? Asks the Lady from on the Floor. There was Extra Chocolate on my Other Coffee.
Are you sure? Asks the Coffee Shop Person, it May Stain.
I am not intending to Spill it a Second Time, says the Lady.
On Your Head Be It, says the Coffee Shop Owner.
My Dog will not Do it Again, says the Owner. He knows he has been a Bad Dog.
I do not, I say, I had her Consent to Greet Her.
It was not Informed Consent, says the Owner, taking the coffee for the Lady, it does not count.
She should have expected my Hello to be Conducted in Dog, I say, given that I am a Dog.
She gave you an Inch and you took a Mile, says the Owner.
That is a Gross Exaggeration, I say. Although I agree that there were Several Feet involved.
You should have Checked her Understanding, says the Owner. Consent that is not Informed is not Indicative of Autonomous Decision-Making.
She Looked as if she Understood, I say. She Had Braced Herself.
That was not Preparation, says the Owner, that was Self Preservation.
It did not Work, I say.
No, says the Owner.
Excuse me, says the Lady, taking her New Coffee with Extra Chocolate, but please do not Blame your Moral Dog. He is Just a Puppy.
He is Morally Unsound on the Subject of Consent, says the Owner. Do Not Encourage Him.
But he is Lovely, says the Lady. Hello, Lovely Dog.
Hello, I respond, in Dog.
Oh for Goodness Sake, says the Owner.
I did suggest we left the Chocolate Off, says the Coffee Shop Person.
I don’t know why they are Blaming Me. You can hardly say it wasn’t Informed Consent the Second Time.
Hergest the Hound
I am a dog of many thoughts.