It is the New Year, says the Owner. Happy New Year! Happy New Year! I say, but where has the Old Year gone? I liked it there. It was Taken Away at Midnight, says the Owner. Now it is in the Past. Can I go back to the Old Year […]
It is New Year’s Eve. We have had to leave the Edge of the World and Return to Reality. All of us did this in a Small Flying Machine. Some of us had to do this in a Box marked Animal. As we leave the Airport on the Edge of […]
The Owner is checking her Bank Account. What is a Bank Account, I ask. It is where you save your Money, says the Owner, for when The Prime Minister needs it. Why should the Prime Minister have it? I ask. It is a Social Responsibility, she says, in Order that […]
The Owner and the Man and I are walking home from the pub in the Darkness. Look Hergest, says the Owner, stopping and looking up, do you see that? It is the brightest star in the sky. It is called the Dog Star. Only a few planets, the Full Moon […]
I am not getting off the Rock, I say. Come on Hergest, says the Owner. We have to swim back. I am getting cold. You can swim back, I say. I am staying here on this Rock. Dogs cannot live on Rocks, says the Owner. I am starting a Precedent, […]
I am Very Excited to be Going to the Inn. Inside it is as Merry as Mr Fezziwigg’s party. People are clinking their glasses and exchanging Merry Greetings. There is Music and Festivity and the Scent of Plum Pudding and Chips. It is as if Everyone has learned the lesson […]
I am not wearing that for dinner, I tell the Owner, it looks silly. It is the Rule for Christmas Dinner, says the Owner, the Man and I are wearing ours. She has a shiny hat on her head which makes her look very slightly like a Lighthouse. The Moral […]
And so, says the Owner, finishing the story, ‘as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!’ She closes the book. It was a good story, I say. I liked the part about the turkey and the games. But I did not like the Ghosts. It would have been better […]
The Owner is lying on the Sofa. She says she has a cough, but it is not clear to me that this means that she needs all of the Sofa. It is positively Unreasonable. Hergest, she says in a faint voice reminiscent of heroines in Jane Austen novels whenever they […]
When I woke up this morning the Sea has sneaked back up the beach in the night. I bark at it from the bedroom window. Not another step, I say. What are you doing, asks the Owner, it is 6am. I wish to sleep on. I am maintaining Constant Vigilance, […]
The Owner has brought me to the Edge of the Sea. And as I walk along the beach it launches its attack. Huge pieces of sea hurl themselves at me, soaking me with salt and spraying me with foam I am outraged. Who does it think it is? It is […]
Last night the Owner and the Man put me in a car and drove me to the End of the World. The Owner says it is an Adventure. Easy for her to say. She wasn’t stuck in the boot for Seven Hours. It is hardly Dignified. Now the Owner and […]
Oh look, the Owner says, the New Scissors have arrived and so I am going to do the Christmas Wrapping. Where are the Old Scissors? I ask. It is the First Rule of Christmas Time, says the Owner, that the Old Scissors always disappear when it is Christmas Time. One […]
I feel sure that the Owner has forgotten my Momentary Lapse of Apparent Loyalty. It was, as she said, not Typical of the Moral Dog. Even Squeaky Cat has forgiven me and he has High Moral Standards. He allowed me to me squeak him repeatedly for nearly ten minutes yesterday, […]
Why can’t Moral Dogs climb trees? I ask the Owner. Because if they could there wouldn’t be any Squirrels, says the Owner. Would that be a Bad Thing? I ask. It would for Squirrels, says the Owner. That might be true if all Dogs could climb trees, I say, as […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 