Caspar says Nigel the Bulldog is in the Newspaper today wearing a Red, Blue and White coat and Waving a Flag. Caspar says he was Very Rude to some Belgians whilst he was speaking in their House. It seems he said that the Belgians and their House were Sons of […]
Hasta la Vista, Gringo, says a Voice in the Tree. That Bird is Very Strange and Extremely Rude, I say. It is a Parrot, says the Owner, a Stranger which has made its Home here. Does it not want to Go Back to where it Came From? I say. It […]
He is Obsessed, says the Owner. When he sees a Ball he Forgets Everything. Everything. My Shouts fall on Deaf Ears. My Whistle Goes Unnoticed. Even the Offer of Cheese Produces not even a Flick of the Ears. I think we need to Do Something before he gets another ASBO. […]
Something arrived in the Post. Squeaky Cat is having an Existential Crisis, I tell the owner, he thought he was a Unique Being, a Squeaky Cat without Equal, One Unrepeatable Entity in a Universe of Unrepeatable Entities, and he now finds he has Been Duplicated. You should be kind to […]
The Owner is reading an Article in the Guardian about Beauty. Many Owners, it seems, are having their faces Injected in order that they should look Young and Fresh. Should I be doing this, Hergest? She asks. And Please Be Honest, she adds. The Moral Dog is Always Honest. Why […]
The Owner says we are Leaving Europe Next Week. She seems Rather Woeful about it. Do not worry, I say, as the Moral Dog likes to be Positive at All Times. At least you have a Moral Dog beside you. Can I come? You have to come, says the Owner […]
Please get off me, says the Owner. I am writing about Oppression in Liberal Societies. The Police are to Deploy Facial Recognition Cameras, which I believe is a Serious Threat to Civil Liberties. But, I say, Surely the Police can be Trusted. There, I have finished it for you. Now […]
The Owner is Reading the Newspaper when the Commotion Ensures. It was all the Rude Dog’s fault I say, as she Marches me Unceremoniously out of the Coffee Shop. He Deserved it. I cannot Take my Eyes off you for One Moment, says the Owner. I Suppose you are going […]
The Owner is sitting at her Computer watching the House of Commons. I am engaged in a discussion with Squeaky Cat, when she speaks suddenly. Ozymandias, she says, in slightly strained tones. What is that? I ask, as her voice was slightly drowned by Squeaky Cat, who is Upset that […]
Caspar arrives in a great tizz. Come quickly, he says. The Moon is being stolen. We rush to the window and look outside. The Moon is indeed being Stolen. There is only a Small Piece Left. It cannot have Gone Far, I say. This is what the Owner likes to […]
The Owner and I have found a Wonderful Stick. One end is Leafy and the other end is Barky, and the Middle is Perfect for Grasping. When the Owner throws it, it spins and whistles, then lands with a Perfect Thud. I Retrieve the Stick. I Run Around Joyfully, sharing […]
The Owner and I bring in the Bins because the Refuse Collectors have just been. I watch the Bin Lorry drive away up the Hill and disappear our of sight. I am looking forward to my Walk, I say. Can we go now? We can indeed says the Owner, putting […]
Caspar has been reading us a story about Sherlock Holmes. We have got to the part about the Ghostly Hound. It had Glowing Eyes and Fearful Teeth and a habit of chewing people in a Morally Unsound fashion. There cannot be a Hound like This, I say. No Moral Dog […]
It is Very Early when we go to the Park. I rush to Say Hello to a Lady with a Dog. Hello, I say to the Dog. You need to Put Your Dog on the Lead, says the Lady to the Owner. My Dog Does Not Like Other Dogs. I […]
No Hergest, says the Owner as we walk through the Park, I am not Throwing the Stick in the Dark. But You Always Throw the Stick I say, albeit in a mumbling fashion (as I am Holding a Stick.) I did not understand that, says the Owner. I put the […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 