What is wrong with Disinfectant as a Cure for Covid? I ask. Everything, says the Owner. It is Ridiculous, says the Owner. You have to be more Specific, I say. If you laugh at Donald Trump you merely convince those who Trust him that the problem is not His Ridiculousness […]
I cannot believe you just did that, I say. Did what? Asks the Owner. Ate Rodney, I say. I did not eat anyone, says the Owner. I have had a single bite of my Easter Chocolate Rabbit. I have been saving it. Him, I say. And he doesn’t look very […]
Hergest, says the Owner, do not chase the Duck. I skulk back to her side. The Duck Quacks sneerily and floats away. Quack, it says again, Gloating in a manner suggestive of Schadenfreude. I do not see why I have to have Rules, I say. Hergest sit, I say. Hergest […]
The Food Man who brings the supermarket delivery Stands at the door wearing a Mask and a Hazmat Suit and tells the Owner that there are Substitutions today. There are different Ice lollies, he says. would you like to Return Them? He asks. Everything about his Body Language suggests that […]
The Owner and I head to the Park with my New Ball. It is Bouncy and Rubber, and does not Ooze, not even in the presence of Slobber. The Owner throws it. The Ball spins through the air with a Tantalising Whoosh, describing an arc so Graceful it could have […]
Once again the Owner and I are in the Park. We have a Tennis Ball, one that the Moral Dog cleverly found in a Bush. We have been playing Throw and Fetch for Some Time. Occasionally I allow the Owner brief possession in the hope that she will Throw it […]
We have nothing else for Breakfast, says the Owner. We will have to eat our Precious Resource. The Oven is turned on. Some strange strips of Unappetising Material are taken from a packet and placed on a grille. Toast is prepared. The Oven door is Shut. The Owner takes some […]
The Owner has cried so much into her computer than the space key hasstoppedworking. WhatistheMatter?Iask. TheOwnerdriesher keyboard. I have been reading about People, she says, who have not had chance to say Goodbye. We have to Change This. This Cannot Happen. Some things have to be a Priority. I look […]
Who made the Dirty Mark on the Sofa? Asks the Man. The Owner and I say nothing. It will not come out, says the Man. I am sure it will, says the Owner, I have Chemicals. It should not be there in the First Place, says the Man. Leave it […]
Come here Hergest, says the Owner, I have something for you. I rush to her Side. I am a Moral Dog. This is what Moral Dogs do. The Pavlovian Conditioning which the Owner once employed, in those Sunny Cheese-filled days of memory, may have once had something to do with […]
The Owner and I are taking our walk in the park when we see the Group. They are standing together, smoking and chatting and things. I glare at them. Why are you pulling that Funny Face? Asks the Owner. It is not funny, I say, it is my Potentially Vicious […]
I am bored, I say. Can we go to the Seaside? We must not do that, says the Owner, as the Moral Dog knows full well. We are in Lockdown. Could we not drive there in the middle of the night, look at the sea, and drive home again? I […]
Would you like a Bedtime Biscuit? Asks the Owner. No thank you, I whisper. But you always have a bedtime Biscuit, says the Owner. The recipe was created by the late, great Michel Roux. Are you Skulking? I am not Skulking, I say Extremely Quietly, and my Appreciation of Monsieur […]
I do not want to walk that way, I say to the Owner. Why not? Asks the Owner, we always walk that way. There is a Telephone Mast there, I say. I heard it might give me Covid virus. A Telephone Mast cannot give you a Virus, says the Owner. […]
Look, says the Owner, how Quiet it is on the Heath. It is not quiet back where we parked, I say. That man was either Playing the Bagpipes or Murdering a Piglet. I am not sure which. That, says the Owner, is the joy of Learning the Bagpipes. But I […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 