Penguins, I say. Indeed, says the Owner. They really appreciated the Caravaggios, I say. Apparently so, says the Owner. They were less interested in Monet, I say. So it is said, says the Owner. Philistines, I say. They are Penguins, says the Owner. Almost Ducks. The Moral Dog who has […]
It will soon be your Birthday, says the Owner. Will it? I say. I hadn’t realised, I say. It must just be a coincidence that the Moral Dog has spent the entirety of the last week browsing the Facebook Guide to Gifts for Dogs, says the Owner. Indeed, I say, […]
Where did I come from? I ask. We have discussed this, says the Owner, the Moral Dog came from an Ancestral Wolf. But I do not look like an Ancestral Wolf, I say. I have spots, I say. Indeed, says the Owner, that is because you have evolved through careful […]
The Ducks glower at me as I am summoned back to the Owner. We Dogs, I tell the Owner, do not see why we should not Chase Ducks. It is Entirely Unclear that Anyone Benefits. I think the Ducks might be Relatively Better Off, says the Owner. We would be […]
Did you see who took my Dog’s Ball and threw it in the Pond? Asks the Other Person. I did not, says my Owner. I did not ask you, says the Other Person, I asked your Dog. I do not think my Dog should be asked a potentially Political Question, […]
The Owner looms from the Darkness like the Ghost of Christmas Past. Look what I caught! She says. This is an Outrage, says a Voice. You are not making any sense, I say. Civilised Owners are asleep at this time of night, I say. Then I attempt to hide my […]
Oh dear, says the Owner. The Moral Dog is bleeding from his ear. I languish on my cushion and gaze at the Owner through Tragic But Fading eyes. Do not worry, I say, I have not suffered much. I know, says the Owner, but you have dripped blood on the […]
Where have you been? Asks the Owner. Nowhere, I say. You appear to have been in the Woods, says the Owner. And the Park, she says. And the Bluebells, she says. I might have been, I say. I will have to check my Diary, I say. Then I will Make […]
I am wondering whether perhaps I could have a Lolly for breakfast, I say. No, says the Owner. Why not? I ask. Those are the Rules, says the Owner. One can be too Pedantic about Rules, I say. I think you are thinking of Guidance, says the Owner. Whether or […]
So, I say, they come to the UK to work in Our NHS, I say. Surely this is an Uncommon Privilege, I say. You are always saying it is a Privilege to be a Doctor, I say. Why should they not pay for such a Privilege? I ask. It is […]
It is a very hot day. In the Morning the Owner and the Moral Dog go to the Park. The Owner throws the Ball multiple times and the Moral Dog pursues it, over Hill and Dale. The more the Owner throws the ball, the more the Moral Dog retrieves it. […]
Hergest, look who is here! Says the Owner in the kind of excited tone that the Moral Dog might expect if Caspar, Houdini and Lucifer had all come to the front door at the same time carrying a large piece of Cheese, wishing to inform me that Mogg was stuck […]
It is the Owner’s Birthday today and we are walking in the Park. It does not seem to be a Celebratory Walk. Where are the Balloons? I ask. There are no Balloons, says the Owner mournfully. Then Happy Birthday! I say with the kind of Exuberance and Generosity that the […]
What is that? I ask the Owner. It is a Humane Mousetrap, says the Owner. What are you doing with My Cheese? I ask the Owner. I am offering it to the Mouse, says the Owner, in exchange for his entering the Humane Mousetrap. Why do you want the Mouse […]
It is not fair, I say to the Owner, to call me a Bad Dog because I Barked at the Angry Parent. I am a Dog. It is a Species Norm for me to Bark. A Moral Dog cannot be Good or Bad in such matters, he can only be […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 