You should not complain about the Prime Minister, I say. My Friend says he is doing a Good Job. Who is your friend? Asks the Owner. He is called Make Britannia Great Again, I say. Nobody is called that, says the Owner. I have him on my Twitter account, I […]
That was not a Walk, I say. It met every definition of a Walk of which I am aware, says the Owner. It was not as long as our Usual Walk, I say. So then it was a Shorter Walk, says the Owner. You will note, she adds, my descriptive […]
We look at the Duck. The Duck looks back. You could apologise, says the Owner. I do not see why, I say. It hissed at me, I say, and it Flapped. It would not be Moral to Apologise. It might be Pragmatic to Apologise, says the Owner, given that it […]
We return from Highgate Wood with the Owner in a grump. She has been writing on the Sign again, the one she says is a Wrongful Assault on Freedom, and she is muttering about Civil Liberties. Lady Justice Hale would not Put Up with It, she says. Freedoms must not […]
Hergest, says the Owner, opening a drawer and extracting a glass, why are you inveigling yourself into my personal space? I am Standing Guard, I say. Could you not Stand Guard a few inches further away? Asks the Owner, opening the Fridge, six inches would be marvellous, even three inches […]
Hergest, says the Owner, would you stop trying to get into the Freezer. I will try to stop, I say. That is not the same as stopping, says the Owner. The Moral Dog can only ever try, I say. What are you hoping for? Asks the Owner. A Lolly, I […]
What is wrong with Disinfectant as a Cure for Covid? I ask. Everything, says the Owner. It is Ridiculous, says the Owner. You have to be more Specific, I say. If you laugh at Donald Trump you merely convince those who Trust him that the problem is not His Ridiculousness […]
I cannot believe you just did that, I say. Did what? Asks the Owner. Ate Rodney, I say. I did not eat anyone, says the Owner. I have had a single bite of my Easter Chocolate Rabbit. I have been saving it. Him, I say. And he doesn’t look very […]
Hergest, says the Owner, do not chase the Duck. I skulk back to her side. The Duck Quacks sneerily and floats away. Quack, it says again, Gloating in a manner suggestive of Schadenfreude. I do not see why I have to have Rules, I say. Hergest sit, I say. Hergest […]
The Food Man who brings the supermarket delivery Stands at the door wearing a Mask and a Hazmat Suit and tells the Owner that there are Substitutions today. There are different Ice lollies, he says. would you like to Return Them? He asks. Everything about his Body Language suggests that […]
The Owner and I head to the Park with my New Ball. It is Bouncy and Rubber, and does not Ooze, not even in the presence of Slobber. The Owner throws it. The Ball spins through the air with a Tantalising Whoosh, describing an arc so Graceful it could have […]
Once again the Owner and I are in the Park. We have a Tennis Ball, one that the Moral Dog cleverly found in a Bush. We have been playing Throw and Fetch for Some Time. Occasionally I allow the Owner brief possession in the hope that she will Throw it […]
We have nothing else for Breakfast, says the Owner. We will have to eat our Precious Resource. The Oven is turned on. Some strange strips of Unappetising Material are taken from a packet and placed on a grille. Toast is prepared. The Oven door is Shut. The Owner takes some […]
The Owner has cried so much into her computer than the space key hasstoppedworking. WhatistheMatter?Iask. TheOwnerdriesher keyboard. I have been reading about People, she says, who have not had chance to say Goodbye. We have to Change This. This Cannot Happen. Some things have to be a Priority. I look […]
Who made the Dirty Mark on the Sofa? Asks the Man. The Owner and I say nothing. It will not come out, says the Man. I am sure it will, says the Owner, I have Chemicals. It should not be there in the First Place, says the Man. Leave it […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 