The Owner says I shouldn’t have eaten it. I’m inclined to agree. It didn’t taste of much and, to make it worse, she says I may have caused a typhoon in Texas. I am familiar with chaos theory, the idea that extremely small changes in nonlinear systems can produce enormous […]
Perhaps I should become a Spy. Today the Owner takes me up Parliament Hill and we watch people sitting on benches, eating cheese sandwiches and reading newspapers. She says most of them are likely to be Spies because this is where Spies come to have their lunch whilst they do […]
I have spotted a pattern in the Owner’s behaviour. An hour or so after we enter the Park, we leave it. Aside from the fact that this is completely illogical (why enter the park, if you intend to leave it?) the Moral Dog is not consulted on the matter of […]
Caspar and I have been practising our eye rolling. You never know when Superdog and his trusty sidekick Fluffy will need to resort to such measures. Lucifer with the nose cage says that when he rolls his eyes at humans they always stop arguing and often also back away, particularly […]
Today, as we head into the park in darkness the Owner slips a new collar round my neck and flicks a switch. I have been turned into an illumination. An orange illumination. The Owner says it’s good to know she will not lose me in the darkness but, frankly, she […]
The Owner says she has been struggling with Nietzsche. I offer to come and bite his ankles next time but she says it’s not that kind of struggle. I say no kind of struggle is too great for the Moral Dog (I am holding Superdog in reserve at this point.). […]
It seems that, like the Moral Dog, the Owner has primeval instincts. When Primeval Man walked the frozen wastes with the Ancestral Dog she had more to face than the Sabre Toothed Cat and the Evil Velociraptor. She also faced the Ancestral Viper. This explains why the Owner is seized […]
The Owner, obliviously munching on her half of the cheese scone was muttering about the Prime Minister and I was stalking. The squirrel was being extremely provocative. For a start it was on the ground, foraging for nuts. Secondly its tail was twitching. And thirdly it was flaunting its fluff […]
It seems that size and teeth are not necessarily related. The Owner says that any time a dog comes at me at twenty miles an hour snarling like a leopard whilst its Owner screams ‘Chiquitita!!! NO!!!,’ like that I should just lie on my back and play dead. I say […]
The Owner and I are somewhere new, and when we arrive it is very dark. Come on, Hergest, she says, time for a walk. I follow her into the night, across a meadow heady with fox, past bushes redolent with squirrel, to the side of a huge and gloriously scented […]
This morning whilst we were in the Park I found some excellent items scattered beside the rubbish bin. As a Moral Dog, fully aware of the necessity for recycling (because there is no Planet B) I rush forward to Do My Bit. I start on the pizza box. It is […]
The Very Small Human comes to visit. It is small and giggly with ginger hair and it does not seem to fully speak Human. However, it speaks excellent Puppy. We spend the day running round and round the sofa. The small human has an inexhaustible wish to possess the bouncy […]
The Owner and the Man take me for a walk in Wales. It appears that, in Wales, water does not confine itself to taps and the sky, but runs along the ground in a bold and positively challenging manner. The Owner and the Man walk along beside this water. They […]
We are walking down the road when I see it. A great, dark monster, strangely shaped and looming there, on the far wall. Silent, menacing, without eyes, without even scent, thrashing about in the wind. Malevolently it eyes us, and I stop. The Moral Dog would show caution and courage. […]
The Owner says Morality is an absolute which gives rise to certain rules. I say all rules are subject to context. Morality itself, I say, is contextual. Today is a case in point. It began as an ordinary day. The sun had risen, the birds were singing, the squirrels were […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 