The Owner and I are on the bed. She is watching a film about Hannibal, who took a bunch of elephants across the Alps in the Second Punic War in order to invade the Roman Republic. I am simply inhabiting that small part of her living space that is allotted […]
Today the Owner takes me to Dog Day Care again. She says she has to go out to lunch and I am not allowed there. She says she will pick me up at tea time. I express my concern by sitting on the floor when she attempts to lead me […]
As we walk past the cemetery I hear the boys behind us talking. One of the boys says that a ghostly man in a cloak walks these pavements at night, carrying his head under his arm. He says he knows someone who has seen this. I think this sounds most […]
Perhaps I should become a Spy. Today the Owner takes me up Parliament Hill and we watch people sitting on benches, eating cheese sandwiches and reading newspapers. She says most of them are likely to be Spies because this is where Spies come to have their lunch whilst they do […]
I have spotted a pattern in the Owner’s behaviour. An hour or so after we enter the Park, we leave it. Aside from the fact that this is completely illogical (why enter the park, if you intend to leave it?) the Moral Dog is not consulted on the matter of […]
Caspar and I have been practising our eye rolling. You never know when Superdog and his trusty sidekick Fluffy will need to resort to such measures. Lucifer with the nose cage says that when he rolls his eyes at humans they always stop arguing and often also back away, particularly […]
Today, as we head into the park in darkness the Owner slips a new collar round my neck and flicks a switch. I have been turned into an illumination. An orange illumination. The Owner says it’s good to know she will not lose me in the darkness but, frankly, she […]
The Owner says she has been struggling with Nietzsche. I offer to come and bite his ankles next time but she says it’s not that kind of struggle. I say no kind of struggle is too great for the Moral Dog (I am holding Superdog in reserve at this point.). […]
It seems that, like the Moral Dog, the Owner has primeval instincts. When Primeval Man walked the frozen wastes with the Ancestral Dog she had more to face than the Sabre Toothed Cat and the Evil Velociraptor. She also faced the Ancestral Viper. This explains why the Owner is seized […]
The Owner, obliviously munching on her half of the cheese scone was muttering about the Prime Minister and I was stalking. The squirrel was being extremely provocative. For a start it was on the ground, foraging for nuts. Secondly its tail was twitching. And thirdly it was flaunting its fluff […]
It seems that size and teeth are not necessarily related. The Owner says that any time a dog comes at me at twenty miles an hour snarling like a leopard whilst its Owner screams ‘Chiquitita!!! NO!!!,’ like that I should just lie on my back and play dead. I say […]
The Owner and I are somewhere new, and when we arrive it is very dark. Come on, Hergest, she says, time for a walk. I follow her into the night, across a meadow heady with fox, past bushes redolent with squirrel, to the side of a huge and gloriously scented […]
This morning whilst we were in the Park I found some excellent items scattered beside the rubbish bin. As a Moral Dog, fully aware of the necessity for recycling (because there is no Planet B) I rush forward to Do My Bit. I start on the pizza box. It is […]
The Owner has a stone in her boot. I wait patiently for my walk to continue as she sits shaking the boot, but she cannot find the stone. Was it ever really there? She asks. Could she have imagined it? I suggest that it doesn’t matter whether it was there […]
Today in the cafe the Owner tells Caspar’s Owner that I am making Good Progress. Caspar and I (alias Superdog and his Trust Sidekick, Fluffy) exchange knowing glances. Little Do They Know. Later the Owner and I take shelter from the rain in a cave inside a tree trunk. I […]
Hergest, a Hound's Philosophy 